FAMILY MATTERS
Golf buddy gives birthday game away

By Michael C. DeMattos

I was sitting in the living room, watching an old video of Bobby Jones demonstrating the draw on the Golf Channel, when my daughter came running into the living room.

"Daddy, this year can I have a surprise birthday party?" she said. "Puhleeeaaazee?"

My wife, who was reading the paper at the time, turned to me and smiled sheepishly.

"She asked me earlier today and I told her she should ask Daddy," my wife said.

I stared at my wife accusingly, feeling set up for failure, then looked at my daughter and said, "Surprise parties are not usually requested. That would defeat the purpose. They are supposed to be surprises, after all."

"You just have to make me forget that's all," she insisted.

In her mind, her friends were already jumping out from behind closed doors and shouting, "Surprise!"

Later that night, Mom and I talked about how we could pull off the not-so-surprising surprise birthday party. We had two months lead time, a bushel full of ideas and a scheming history. We came up with a plan.

My wife made all the arrangements, and all was going well until, one evening, after a round of twilight golf, my good buddy came over to the house for a tall glass of ... water.

My wife and daughter met us at the door and he asked rather nonchalantly, "So when is the birthday party?"

Mom looked at me in shock and I stared blankly, trying desperately to find the right answer. I had just a second or two at best. I felt a fuse blow and spewed out under pressure, "We're not having a birthday party this year."

The answer had barely left my mouth when my daughter looked up at me, tears falling down her face.

"I am not having a birthday party?" she asked.

"Not this year, honey," I replied. "I was thinking we should go out to dinner as a family."

My wife wrapped her arms around my daughter's shoulders and shot my one-time-friend the look usually reserved for me. It appeared his visit was over.

"Oh, oh!" He said, as we walked to the patio.

"She asked for a surprise party," I explained. "We have been trying to avoid the subject of her birthday."

"Well, now she'll really be surprised," he consoled.

Boy, was I glad my wife wasn't there.

I felt bad for my daughter. I think she actually forgot about the party. Now, in her mind, she wasn't even going to have a party.

For a second there I even felt bad for my buddy. He had a 2-year-old daughter of his own. I watched as recognition crossed his face. He knew in an instant that this was his future.

I patted him on the shoulder and said, "Don't worry about it."

Then, I came to my senses and heard my inner voice say, "You'll get yours one day!"

Two weeks later, the party went off without a hitch. As much as I hate to admit it, my buddy was right. My daughter was truly surprised. His foible played into our hands.

He is now back on my wife's A-list, though he likely never knew he fell off of it.

Michael C. DeMattos has a master's degree in social work. He is a family therapist, educator, trainer, storyteller and angler, and lives in Kane'ohe with his wife and 6-year-old daughter. Reach him at: Family Matters, Island Life, The Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; fax 525-8055; or e-mail ohana@honoluluadvertiser.com.