By Bob Krauss
Advertiser Columnist

What's left of McInerny's at Ala Moana, Kahala Mall and downtown went up for sale yesterday.

So it's come to this after 138 historic years: auctioneer Mike McClain standing between two paper banana trees taking bids on 13 spectacularly nude male mannequins.

A woman with a bidding card in hand said she wanted one for her living room. She'll put a bulb inside with a lamp shade on top.

Michael McInerny must be spinning in his grave, good Catholic that he was. His wife, Mary, an Irish house maid with social pretensions, would be horrified. What would the Queen say?

You have to admit that the store established by a ship's carpenter who was haberdasher to King Kalakaua had a good run. It propelled McInerny twins Will and Jim, Catholic outcasts in Protestant Honolulu, to wealth and luxury.

They were the most eligible bachelors in Honolulu, but never married. Why? Because the most eligible bachelorettes were Protestant. No wonder they established a charitable foundation with specific instructions not to give money to religion.

The stores were their children — one for shoes, one for clothes.

I sighed when I walked into the warehouse. What's left was scattered in lots: track lighting fixtures, acres of old tables, racks. The choice items were bunched together in helter-skelter lots in the far corner: polo mallets, antique trunks, tarnished trophies, life preservers, picture frames.

Frankly, many bidders didn't measure up to Mary McInerny's standards. I saw Mohawk haircuts, tank tops, kung fu mustaches. Nick Morse, a retired carpenter from Kansas City, was there in jeans and a baseball cap.

"I'm here to pick up anything cheap that will sell," he said. "It's the only hobby I ever had that didn't cost me money."

The Mohawk belonged to professional wrestler Joe Tramontano, who was looking for props to use in the ring. "We break chairs over each other's heads," he explained. If Joe's appearance isn't impressive, his address is. He said his two-story house on Kahala Avenue is crammed with wrestling gear, including a ring in the backyard.

Tedi Roberts and her husband, Bob, were looking for stuff to brighten up their hotel in Samoa. Air-conditioning contractor Karen Wenke said, "I'm looking for anything goofy. I store things in my warehouse."

Jo Anne Heim couldn't make up her mind. She had a wide choice, because husband Bob "is a carpenter. He can make a silk purse out of a sow's ear."

The bidding began with rapid-fire intensity, no holds barred. Lot 2, faux pedestals with Grecian busts on top, went for $235. I looked around to see who had bought them and found myself staring at the backside of a purple mannequin. Karen Wenke bought two enormous sculling oars for $70.

It was too sad for me. I left.

Reach Bob Krauss at 525-0873.