Here's what to do when a child is mistreated in public

• Ways to intervene

By Mary Kaye Ritz
Advertiser Religion & Ethics Writer

•	Whom you should call Contact Prevent Child Abuse Hawai'i: 951-0200, 1575 S. Beretania St., Suite 206, Honolulu, HI 96826.

A mother herself (she has a 2-year-old son), Joor edged closer to the front of the store to make her presence known.

"You just have to be there," she said. "If you're there, you're distracting them."

The boy, about 7, had bumped into someone, and his mother yelled at him to watch where he was going. While she could empathize, Joor also knew what to do, because she'd been volunteering at Prevent Child Abuse Hawai'i for several years, and because she's a former camp counselor trained in such interactions.

The most common definition of abuse in the public mind is physical battering, but verbal battering also is considered destructive and abusive, according to Prevent Child Abuse Hawai'i. When you see a parent lose it verbally in the grocery store or the mall — two of the most frequent places for such outbursts, says Prevent Child Abuse's local interim director, Aileen Deese — there are ways to help.

"Most people don't exactly know what to do," said Deese. "It's uncomfortable to watch the mistreatment of a child by an adult."

When the nonprofit, 20-year-old organization conducted focus groups about five years ago to start its long-range planning, it asked participants what kind of information people wanted to know.

The biggest response was: What do you do when you see abuse in public?

That led them to create a brochure addressing the issue.

Though Deese said no statistics tell how often people abuse their children in public, she offered these bits of information:

• Once a minute, a child somewhere in the United States is being abused.
• In Hawai'i, there were more than 6,000 reports of child abuse in 2002.
• While most calls the agency receives are about child abuse in a family setting, an average of about two calls a month are from strangers who witness it in public.

"I've seen it myself, and said things to people," said Deese, who recalls a father at a movie theater who was calling his son, probably about 5, names because he wanted something from the snack bar.

"I just kind of started a conversation with the adult, like 'Oh, my children (are) older. They've gotten upset, too,' " she said.

If it seems the child is in physical danger, she said, seek assistance from the management of the place, security personnel or other bystanders.

Do you have ideas on this? "I'd love to have (readers) write back," she said. "We'd like to know what has been effective. There's no statistics on this."

Ways to intervene

If you see parents screaming at their children or handling them too roughly in a public place, are you torn between wanting to help and not wanting to interfere? The next time you encounter such a situation, try one of these tactics:

• Start a conversation with the adult to direct attention away from the child. Try, "He seems to be trying your patience," or "My son also gets upset like that."
• If the child is misbehaving, divert his attention. You might ask him, "That's a great baseball cap; are you a Red Sox fan?"
• Look for an opportunity to praise the parent or child. Say, "Your son is wearing such a great jacket: Where did you get it?" or "He has the most beautiful eyes."
• If the child is in a potentially dangerous situation, offer assistance. For example, if you see a child left unattended in a grocery cart, stand nearby until the parent returns.
• Avoid negative remarks or looks. This may only increase the parent's stress and anger and could make matters worse for the child.
• For more information, call (800) CHILDREN, or log onto www.preventchildabuse.org.