THE LEFT LANE
2004 paniolo calendar focuses on the keiki

Advertiser Staff and News Services

The 2004 Keiki Paniolo Calendar, "The Young Hawaiian Cowboy," is the third in the series produced by Rice and photographers Paul and Victoria McCormick of Waimea, Hawai'i, to help the Paniolo Preservation Society.

The wall calendar was shot at rodeos and on ranches around the Islands, and this year focuses on keiki. Months are given in Hawaiian and English, holidays and important horse-related events are noted.

Available at bookstores and gift galleries. Information: Gail Rice, P.O. Box 98, Kamuela, HI 96743; cattle@aloha.net.

Collection celebrates isle women's wisdom

"Na Wahine, Hawaiian Proverbs and Inspirational Quotes Celebrating Women in Hawai'i" (Mutual Publishing, $10.95) is the sort of little remembrance you could drop on Mom's pillow to say, "I appreciate all you do, who you are, what you mean to our family." Or pop it into the mail for a cherished girlfriend to say, "You're beautiful, you're wise and you're funny, too."

The sayings gathered come from many local cultures — Hawaiian, of course, as well as Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, Maori and Portuguese. They are paired with poignant historic photos of girls and women, mothers and grandmothers. An introduction by writer U'i Goldsberry compares Hawai'i women to the elements — fire, water, earth and air.

Joke book pits 'Me v. Everybody'

Well, there is "Me v. Everybody," a joke book of "absurd contracts for an absurd world" by legal writers Dahlia Lithwick and Brandt Goldstein (Worman, paper, $12.95).

Lithwick, senior editor of Slate magazine, and Goldstein, co-founder of the online legal journal Writ, have produced a series of agreements of the sort we all enter into without ever writing them down or closely examining them (thank goodness). Topics include wedding planning, family Thanksgiving, office hazards and bar-hopping.

There is, for example, the list of proscribed cell-phone conversations we wish everyone would sign. By doing so, they would be promising to never engage in conversations similar to this one:"Dude!! Do you have a red hat on?!" "Yeah." "Dude, YOU'RE ON TV!!" "No way, man." "Right next to the goal post, dude." "Yeah – that's me." "You're totally, totally on TV!" "Excellent!"