By Bob Krauss
Advertiser Columnist

John L. Werrill on Alexander Street read the column about a sea captain with two left feet who dropped his anchor and created disaster while entering a harbor. Werrill, who was executive chef on the liner SS Constitution, has an even better story.

The scene is Nawiliwili Harbor on Kaua'i, a place notorious among harbor pilots and sea captains for cramped quarters. Maneuvering a container ship or an ocean liner at Nawiliwili is like parking a semi-trailer in a two-car garage.

Nawiliwili was the last stop on the weekly Hawaiian Islands cruise of the Constitution, on the day of the grand captain's dinner before the ship returned to her home port of Honolulu.

While the sailors on deck prepared the ship for departure, Werrill was down below creating his masterpiece for dinner, the ice sculpture. The ship was fully loaded with 1,200 carefree passengers and Werrill had to ready the grand buffet to feed them.

Close your eyes and picture a table laden with 16 chafing dishes, butter sculptures, a sea of finely decorated platters in a circular arrangement with countless selections of exotic foods to tempt the overweight and fatten the undernourished.

Werrill testified that on this epic occasion he tried something new, a live volcano carved from two 300-pound blocks of ice.

"With the use of warm water and salt I was able to melt the sides and join them together in a large plastic receptacle to catch the melted water," he said. "Chipping and scraping the edges, I achieved the resemblance of a volcano."

Three cans of Sterno and dry ice in a hole in the top of the volcano made the crater erupt, surrounded by 1,200 plates at the entrance to the main dining room. Werrill lighted the Sterno. Presto, clouds of smoke and Sterno flames.

Pleased with his handiwork, he went up four decks to the bar for a well-deserved martini — shaken, not stirred. Below, the buffet opened to "ohhhhs" and "ahhhhhhs."

Right on time, the Constitution pulled away from her berth with two tugs to starboard. Werrill described the captain as a "let her rip" type. As usual, he gave the order "full steam ahead," his standard but risky maneuver when leaving the harbor.

This time the ship rolled 35 degrees to port. "Glasses and bottles virtually buried the bartender," said Werrill. Passengers fell right and left. Werrill caught his martini on the slide and hastily retreated to the dining room.

In shock, he saw his ice volcano erupting from the deck amid the wreckage of 1,200 broken plates, food splattered everywhere. The kitchen staff worked all night making ham sandwiches. "The captain retired early," Werrill concluded.

Reach Bob Krauss at 525-8073 or at bkrauss@honoluluadvertiser.com.