FAMILY MATTERS
After 5 years, mailbox-mauler finally gets her payback

By Michael C. DeMattos

By the sound of it, you would have thought I crashed the truck into the side of a building. But as it turned out, I just ran over the garbage can.

My wife ran out of the house to make sure I was OK. Noting that I was fine, she then glanced at the truck and bent over to spy the garbage can under the bumper.

A broad smile crossed her face and she said, "I've waited five long years for this day."

I groaned aloud, knowing that I would never hear the end of this one.

It was payback time. Few things are more enjoyable than having an absolutely hilarious story to hold over the head of a loved one. For nearly five years now I have been living high on the hog because of one such story.

My family was moving into what was then our new home. We elected to forgo the expensive movers and instead enlisted the help of several of our friends. After the move was done we threw a small party to thank everyone for their hard work.

The night wore on and the weather grew ominous so it was decided that our friends would spend the night. We had our first house guests. Just before we went to bed the clouds burst and the rain fell in torrents complete with thunder and lightning. We had to shout to be heard over the din. It was then that I remembered that our car was parked on the side of the road instead of in the garage. For most, this would not be a problem, but our trunk leaked, which meant it would be a swimming pool by morning.

Seeing the water cascading off the roof, I decided that a new swimming pool was not such a bad idea. My wife did not agree. She took the keys and went out to move the car. Visibility was nearly zero, and I watched as she tried to back up the driveway. In all the confusion, she missed and instead plowed into the cute cattle-barn mailbox. It was a missed attempt at parking but a smashing success for our house guests and myself.

After a couple more tries she made it up the hill and into the garage. The storm raged with such fury that she never realized that she mowed down the mailbox. We found it the next morning, flattened on the front lawn.

So now, nearly five years later, my wife had her chance at revenge. My rear bumper was resting neatly on the state-issued garbage can, and my tires were completely off the ground and spinning to no effect.

I pushed and shoved, but the truck would not budge. My only hope was to lock the hubs on the front wheels and engage the four-wheel drive. I hit the accelerator and the truck lunged forward popping the garbage can free. My wife was doubled over laughing.

"Hey at least I didn't destroy the mailbox," I said.

"Well, I didn't need to put the car into four-wheel drive to dislodge it," she retorted.

Mailbox and post: $40. Touch-up paint for the bumper: $18. Getting back at your husband for five years of teasing: priceless.

Family therapist Michael C. DeMattos has a master's degree in social work.