FAMILY MATTERS
Fatherhood can spark self-improvement

By Michael C. DeMattos

I woke up happy, but as the morning progressed, my mood darkened. I suppose we all go through times such as these, so as a rule I forgive myself these wintry moments.

After waking my daughter and taking the dog out for a walk, I hopped into the shower.

I remembered that my daughter's quarterly report card had come in. I was very proud of her. She was becoming quite the helper in her class. She was even completing her assignments on time. I was happy for my daughter and appreciative of her teachers.

My mind skittered between the past, present and future, like a mouse in a maze.

I remembered the parent-teacher conference we had three months earlier. My daughter was doing well in school, though I was told she could use a little work on her manners. Perhaps she could be a little more sensitive to those around her. She is 6, after all.

It was during that conference that I fully realized we were raising an only child. This big blue marble of ours can get a bit crazy. Sure, she needs to be sensitive, but she also needs to be tough. I walked out of the parent-teacher conference bewildered and unsure of myself.

Back in the present moment, the morning news did not help my mood. My melancholia deepened as I heard tales of impending war, domestic violence and a failing economy.

"How do I possibly prepare my child for this?" I thought.

My mind raced into the future and I saw a world torn apart, and my daughter struggling to make sense of it.

It was then that I heard the voice of reason and hope coming from the back seat. A 6-year-old, much wiser than I, had noticed the moon rising just above the mountaintops. It was big and luminous, an ever-present eye.

"Dad, I think the moon is following us. Is it watching over us?"

I was back in the present.

I realized, then and there, that I had missed part of the equation.

As a father, it is my responsibility to prepare my daughter for the world. But that's not enough. I do not want her to simply cope; I want her to thrive.

Thriving requires that I do more than prepare her for the world; I must prepare the world for her. I know this sounds simplistic, but I have to believe that I can make a difference.

Perhaps her kindergarten teachers were right. Most of us could do with some improved manners and a little more sensitivity to others could go a long way.

Imagine a world in which we demanded of each other what we expect of our children. It would be like the moon following us, watching over us.

Family therapist Michael C. DeMattos has a master's degree in social work.