Kids can succeed in restaurants

By Samantha Critchell
Associated Press

NEW YORK — Bringing the whole family to a restaurant and breaking bread together should be a fun, pleasant experience for parents and children. And staff. And all the other diners.

Without proper preparation and cooperation, though, accomplishing this goal is nearly impossible.

Cindy Post Senning, co-author of "The Gift of Good Manners: A Parent's Guide to Raising Respectful, Kind, Considerate Children," says before the family is shown to their table, everyone should review their expectations of what the mealtime should bring.

For parents, that means setting reasonable limits for their children and for themselves, said Senning, great-granddaughter of etiquette expert Emily Post and a director at the Vermont-based Emily Post Institute and a former school principal.

It is more than fair for parents to expect children of any age to exhibit the same good manners they should be using at home: no food throwing, staying seated at the table while eating and not blowing bubbles in their milk, for instance.

But Senning says it's not reasonable to expect a 3-year-old to sit quietly while the parents linger at the table over coffee and adult conversation. And it's when kids get bored that the trouble starts.

"You have to strategize," she said. "You have to anticipate. Ask yourself how to minimize wait times. Children don't understand 'We'll just be a little bit' or 'It's almost ready,' they don't understand much more than instant gratification."

Andrea Barbalich, executive editor of Child magazine, says parents need to come to a restaurant armed with distractions: "Bring books, crayons, small toys. Their attention span is so short so bring plenty of things to keep them occupied."

And, even if it seems a little unnecessary since you're going to a restaurant, bring snacks, which can serve as another distraction before the meal arrives.

It also helps to be early-bird diners since children are usually hungry on the early side of mealtime, there are fewer people in the restaurant and the food is often served more quickly, Barbalich says.

"Make it easy for kids to succeed. Talk to them beforehand about expectations, give them distractions and don't let the meal drag on for two hours," she says. "Try to make it a positive experience, it will make it easier the next time because they'll want to go."

But parents have to be willing to leave a restaurant if the children really are acting up, Barbalich says, especially if that threat is on the table.

Barbalich notes parents are taking younger children to better restaurants more often now than in the past, mostly because it's a way that busy people can spend time together as a family.

"The upside is children are getting used to how to behave in a restaurant at an earlier age; the downside is kids are still kids and sometimes they struggle with behaving like adults in an adult place," she says.

Dining out

Encourage polite mealtime rituals at home and away, such as placing napkins on the lap or saying "excuse me" before getting up, suggests etiquette expert Cindy Post Senning. Other age-based tips:

SCHEDULE: Some babies are quiet, some aren't. Know the children and what their limits and schedules are. If the babies go to a restaurant during their feeding times, they will begin to make the right associations.

PRACTICE: Take 1- to 3-year-olds on a test run to a fast-food restaurant before trying formal restaurants, so they can get used to sitting at the table without the seemingly endless wait for food to be served.

ENTERTAINMENT: Once ready for family-friendly restaurants (those with booster seats or children's menus), toddlers also are ready to help pack up a bag of small toys to bring with them. If children choose their own amusements, they are more likely to play with them and it's a sign of respect from their parents. (It's OK to call the restaurant ahead of time and request to place at least part of the order by phone, so appetizers could be on the table soon after the family has arrived.)

GOOD MANNERS: By age 6, they should be eating out and can even go to elegant restaurants. To prepare for the switch to a fancy place, parents should tell their children what to expect, such as the maitre d' pulling out the chairs. And it never hurts to remind children to use their "pleases" and "thank yous."

ORDERING: The vendors at mall food courts are a good training ground for 11- to 14-year-olds, often providing children with their first independent meal experiences. They'll get used to ordering for themselves, but they won't get hung up over tipping or how to split a check with friends.

TEENS: The first time teenagers go to a full-service restaurant without their parents is often to mark a special occasion (a friend's birthday, a prom). Parents should walk them through all the steps, from making the reservations and how to tip.