'Til ratings do us part on Fox TV

By Ellen Gray
Knight Ridder News Service

It's been three years since Fox Broadcasting married off Rick Rockwell and Darva Conger on national television.

Three years since the unhappy bride filed for an annulment.

I don't know what Rick and Darva learned from that mess, but it's clear what Fox learned: If you're going to marry people on television, assign blame ahead of time.

Which brings us to Fox's "Married by America," in which the network has arranged to make it our fault if the marriages that will be arranged this week for three single women and two single men don't make it.

Because in this latest twist of the unscripted-show trend, America — or those portions of America with interest and redial capability — will decide who each of these five people will become engaged to on a show a week from today. Five weeks later, if all goes well, they'll marry on the finale.

Now I'm as big a fan of democracy as the next person, but I have to wonder what these poor suckers could be thinking.

Are we talking about the same America that chose Nikki McKibbin over Tamyra Gray on "American Idol"?

And those who tuned in, 40 million strong, to see a faux millionaire choose a woman who didn't love him for his money, or, as a matter of fact, for any reason at all?

Of course we are.

Shouldn't the idea make "Married by America" executive producer Ted Haimes a little bit queasy?

"Not at all," he told me last week.

A longtime documentary filmmaker whose resume includes the Peabody Award-winning "Decade" for MTV and the Emmy-nominated "History of Rock 'n' Roll" (as well as the much-naughtier "Temptation Island"), Haimes talks like a true believer in televised romance.

And no, he's not concerned about the so-far sorry record of shows like ABC's "The Bachelor" and Fox's "Joe Millionaire" in helping strangers form lasting attachments.

" 'Married by America' is a show that starts where 'The Bachelor' leaves off. The engagement of these strangers is the beginning of this story, not the end," Haimes said.

After the engagement, to take place on a "results" show that will air March 10, the newly engaged couples will spend time together "in a very compressed way" for several weeks.

After which "the decision to say 'I do' or 'I don't' is totally theirs," he said. "This is putting them inside a relationship biosphere and watching what happens."

Judith Sills, for one, can't wait.

Sills, a Philadelphia psychologist who's written several books on relationships, including "How to Stop Looking for Someone Perfect and Find Someone to Love," cheerfully admits to having watched "Joe Millionaire" and said last week of the "Married" concept:

"This has sex appeal, this has sparkle, this has fame. And who knows? You could get a husband out of it. Or a wife."

Sills, in fact, refuses to see "Married by America" as yet another sign that the sky is falling.

"I think it's because the sky is falling that a show like this is such a marvelous antidote," she said. "These things are not serious representations of the decay of our culture. They're our playtime."

But are they playtime to the participants, whom Haimes describes as "collaborators in the process ... people who wanted to take a bold step in changing their lives"?

It was less than two weeks ago that Helene Eksterowicz was on ABC again, giving a tearful interview about the end of her engagement to "Bachelor" Aaron Buerge, who'd dumped her in a Starbucks near her home.

"Of course, there are costs, but maybe one could say there are costs to all meetings," Sills said. "Clearly you are operating in a situation of tremendous social pressure."

Still, "you can get dumped in a Starbucks without a lot of television cameras. But I don't see that the addition of television cameras has hurt," she said, suggesting that daytime talk shows are still far more exploitative than most reality shows, because they prey on both the pain and the naivete of their guests.

"That's not happening here," she said. "This is all froth."