By Bob Krauss
Advertiser Columnist

A bunch of experts at Maluhia Hospital sat around day before yesterday and explained to me how to run a long-term-care home without abusing the elderly and in a way that will satisfy unannounced inspections.

These experts all live at Maluhia Long Term Care Facility or have parents there. They've got long-term care wired.

David Cheng is 93. His daughter came from California to take him to lunch. He was nervous the whole time because he was afraid he'd miss his mahjong game with Henry Lee, 93, and Albert Ikeda, 86. A son of Mabel Ahn, 92, wanted to take her out for a special event but she decided to stay for the party in the care home.

The social whirl at Maluhia is nonstop. These people have their own Aloha Week parade and a lion dancer on Chinese New Year's. They sit on the terrace in party hats, tooting whistles and sipping cider at sunset on New Year's Eve.

Before Ahn moved to Maluhia, she hadn't been shopping in 16 years. The farthest she got from her house was half a block to the mom-and-pop store. Now she shops at Kahala Mall or Ala Moana every other week.

Paul Masuoka said he was ashamed to put his mother in a care home after she had cooked 150 pounds of rice every day at Masu's Plate Lunch until she was 97. Then he landed in the hospital trying to take care of her and and run Masu's at the same time.

"I could never do for my mother what they do here," he said. "She's very happy."

So what are the secrets of forgetting aches and pains and keeping your mind alert? Here's what the experts say:

1. All but two of the experts recommended that rather than retire, you continue to work as long as possible to keep active. Henry Lee would still be an auto mechanic if his eyesight hadn't gone bad. The dissenters who voted for retirement said it gives them time to volunteer for things they like to do for other people. "Every day is Saturday," said volunteer Lucy Malloy.

2. Laugh a lot. Ahn said this is difficult when you're alone. So try to be with people. Find excuses to have parties.

3. One way to stay young is to sing. Jean Ikeda, 84, sings at home, pretending she's a stage star. She uses a banana as a microphone. Ahn sang out "Someone Is Kissing Someone" for me.

4. TV is OK, but the best way to keep your mind alert is to play cards or dominoes or mahjong. Irene Naval, 53, and Kejeje Glanery, 69, play solitaire on the computer. Knitting is good.

5. Linda Fong recommends buying a ticket at the Maluhia Gift Shop to the Friends of Maluhia benefit concert on March 29 featuring the Makaha Sons at Leeward Community College. Call 832-6195 or 832-3010.

Reach Bob Krauss at 525-0873.