Posted on: Friday, March 7, 2003

Truant's mother at wit's end

By Lee Cataluna
Advertiser Columnist

How do you get a rebellious 15-year-old boy to go to school if he just doesn't want to? Do you punish his mom for not having control over him? Will that help, or make an already tense family situation even more painful?

As legislators discuss a measure to curb truancy in public schools, perhaps they can think of ways to ease the burdens of families who are struggling and not increase the threat that the parents already feel. So many parents, like the mom who wrote the following letter, are looking for answers, for alternatives, for new ideas, not for more ways their kids can get into trouble.

"I am a parent of a 15 year old boy who hates going to school, hates being in school, hates his teachers, oh heck he just hates the world. I even tried to get him into an alternative learning school. ... He went one day and has refused to go back. I am at my wits end with him. ... My parents and family have tried to help me by having him stay with them, but nothing has worked. I've even taken him to a see psychologist, but my son is very smart. He tells them exactly what they want to hear. So they tell me nothing's wrong.

"I don't think that by passing House Bill 277 that they should punish all parents. They should look at what the parents have been trying to do to get their child back on track. I tell him that he's breaking my heart but he says that he loves me but he just doesn't want to go to school. We attended truancy class. ... It didn't 'wake him up.' I expected it to kick him in the butt and make him realize the consequences of his actions, but no, it didn't. It did give parents helpful information about what can happen and what to look for when there is drugs and gang involvement. They had the kids do a reflection worksheet with questions such as, 'What are your reasons for being a truant?' and 'How did you spend your time when you were not in school?' and 'List the consequences for being a truant by identifying the pros and cons.' ...

"As a parent wanting to help their child succeed, punishing the parent with fines and community service is not a solution. Instead give us more options — like

home school information or whatever else there is out there that myself as a parent don't have. ... I feel I have no where else to go."

Perhaps House Bill 277 was drawn up to target the parents of elementary school students who don't think it's that big of a deal for the kids to stay home and cruise a couple of days a week. There certainly are families for which the threat of mom and dad having to do community service may be just the motivation they need to get the kids off to school every morning. But there's nothing in the bill that specifies this.

It's a blanket measure that would affect any parent the school deems a problem, even parents who have tried everything they can think of. There's not much to help the mom of a 15-year-old boy who simply refuses to go to school.