Dumb premise, dumber characters sink 'Boat Trip'

By Christy Lemire
Associated Press

Can the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences retroactively revoke Cuba Gooding Jr.'s Oscar?

This may sound like a gratuitous slam, but it's a genuine question: What is he thinking when he chooses his scripts?

"Men of Honor" and "What Dreams May Come" were well-intentioned but sappy. "Pearl Harbor" — in which Gooding played what seemed like the only black soldier fighting that day — was a disaster, but his part was so small that it wasn't his fault.

"Rat Race" was a feeble remake of "It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World," but again, he was just an overeager cog in a huge ensemble machine.

Then there was the family film "Snow Dogs," in which he was the star, but a pack of Siberian huskies upstaged his hyperactive shtick.

And there's the forgettable "Chill Factor" from 1999, which was essentially "Speed" in an ice cream truck instead of a bus.

Worse than all those, though, is "Boat Trip," in which Gooding and Horatio Sanz from "Saturday Night Live" play homophobic straight guys on an all-gay cruise. It purports itself to have been made "in the tradition of 'Some Like It Hot,"' but to mention both films in the same breath seems blasphemous.

Writer-director Mort Nathan recreates none of the wit, charm or finesse of the 1959 Billy Wilder classic. Instead, he plays up every imaginable cliche, then sets the movie to a mix of Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive," Patti LaBelle's "New Attitude" and the grand finale, Diana Ross' "I'm Coming Out," which Gooding's character lip-synchs while dressed in sequins, peacock feathers, eye shadow and a thong.

Let's take a moment to explain how he got in that position, just for posterity. Gooding's character, Jerry, is heartbroken after his girlfriend, Felicia (Vivica A. Fox), dumps him for her car detailer. (Before she left him, though, he threw up all over her during a hot-air balloon ride, just one example of the movie's crass sense of humor.)

Sanz's character, Nick — your typical loud, fat, crude movie sidekick with a seemingly endless wardrobe of gaudy shirts — insists that they can meet hot women on a cruise. But they get into a shouting match with the travel agent who's booking their trip, and end up on a boat full of muscular men wearing denim Daisy Duke shorts and neatly trimmed mustaches.

It takes them a long time to figure out they're on a gay cruise, too. Hector in the cabin next door, dressed up like Carmen Miranda and organizing a conga line, didn't give them a clue. Neither did a wealthy, older man (Roger Moore, also exhibiting poor judgment) who tries to entice them to the driving range, where he purrs that the men will be swinging very big clubs.

But Jerry wants to stay on board after falling for dance instructor Gabriella (Roselyn Sanchez), and must pretend he's gay in order to spend time with her. And Nick wants to stay after the Swedish Sun Tanning Team (led by former Playmate of the Year Victoria Silvstedt) shows up.

Anyway, you can see where this is going: Jerry's lie will be exposed and he'll have to prove his love to Gabriella. Nick will learn that gay people aren't so bad after all, and question his own heterosexuality.

Which brings us back to the initial question: What was Gooding thinking? He's a good-looking, likable, charismatic actor. He has proven, in movies such as "As Good As It Gets," that he's capable of doing more than shouting "Show me the money!" at Tom Cruise.

The only imaginable reason for agreeing to make this movie was for the free cruise: "Boat Trip" was shot on a ship that sailed throughout the Mediterranean for 10 days. But watching the real passengers play shuffleboard probably would have been more entertaining than this.