Respond to children's fears of war, experts urge
By Samantha Critchell
Associated Press
Although the war against Iraq is happening far across the globe, constant media coverage is giving many children in the United States an up-close view of the bombing.
Some of these youngsters might be scared by what they see and hear.
Children process information differently depending on their age and maturity level, says Judith Myers-Walls, an associate professor in the Department of Child Development and Family Studies at Purdue University.
What frightens one child to the point of tears might have no effect on another, and one child might verbalize her fears, while another might act normally but have nightmares.
Parents need to be prepared for all these scenarios.
Given the war coverage so far — including updates during NCAA Tournament basketball games on television and the big, bold "War!" on the front pages of newspapers — Myers-Walls says it's unrealistic for parents to think they can keep their children away from it altogether. The next-best option is to offer explanations and commentaries so youngsters will have some context.
"I think because of the way the war is being interjected into other things, it's going to confuse kids," Myers-Walls says. "When an announcer says, 'Let's see how they're doing now,' it sounds like the kids are watching the Olympics or the Tour de France. By using sports analogies, it is making war a game.
"Parents may want to be very clear — explain to their children that this is in no way a game."
That said, Myers-Walls urges parents to reassure children that everything is being done to keep their families, homes and communities safe.
"I want children to see what's going on in a brief, realistic way.
I think honesty is important and I wouldn't lie to my child about what's happening," says C.T.
O'Donnell II, president and CEO of KidsPeace, a nonprofit organization that serves the behavioral and mental health needs of children.
"But repeated graphic images is a huge problem, especially because younger children have a hard time differentiating between multiple events and a single event that's shown over and over again," O'Donnell says.
There is no general rule about what children can see, tolerate and process, says O'Donnell, a psychologist and father of three. That's why parents need to pay attention to what their youngsters are saying and how they are acting during this stressful time.
According to O'Donnell, signs that toddlers and preschoolers are upset or afraid include bed-wetting, thumb-sucking and clinging to parents. Elementary students may become aggressive or withdrawn, or have nightmares. Older children and teens may develop sleeping or eating disorders and have poor concentration.
Probing children about their questions might give parents some insight into the youngsters' real concerns. Ask why something is of particular interest, O'Donnell says. For instance, if young children ask about a bomb or plane, the real fear might be that it is headed their way.
Once the question is established, parents should do their best to give accurate answers — and if they don't know, to just say so. It'll help build a relationship of trust.
"It's OK to say, 'I just don't know.' But then follow up with context. If they ask, 'How long will the war last?' then give some background. Say, 'In the best case, it'll be over very soon,' or 'The last war lasted a month.' Just let them know it won't go on forever," O'Donnell advises.
Both O'Donnell and Myers-Walls say parents might want to encourage children to get war news from newspapers instead of round-the-clock TV coverage. Text is absorbed at a slower rate and without the emotion that comes with a bombardment of sights and sounds, and parents can read newspaper articles in advance to make sure they are appropriate.
Children too young to read don't need to know about the war, says Rosemarie Truglio, vice president of research and education of Sesame Workshop, which produces "Sesame Street." "Young kids don't have the ability to comprehend what's going on. They'll only be frightened and scared," she says.
"It's OK to make this very distant. ... This war isn't affecting our children's daily lives. What it is affecting, though, is ... their parents' stress levels."
In addition to monitoring their children's access to war stories, Truglio says parents should be mindful of how much time they are spending watching and reading the news.
"Sesame Street" recently created public service announcements designed to help families deal with the stress of war and fears of terrorism.
The advice, delivered by the character Elmo, is to try to keep normal family routines, be open to getting and giving hugs, and keeping the lines of communication open.
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