Discipline plays huge role in how your kids mature
By Doreen Nagle
Gannett News Service
Many parents say they are confident when teaching their children right from wrong, yet less than half are sure they are disciplining effectively.
Discipline's goals and benefits:
• Good discipline turns children into moral, socially acceptable adults who know what's expected of them. Discipline teaches children to use good judgment and take responsibility for their actions even when you aren't around.
• Children connect their actions to consequences through thoughtful discipline. Both natural and logical consequences are teaching tools, versus punishment, which incorporates verbal or physical abuse and is meant to demean.
• Appropriate discipline teaches children how to cope with disappointment, a quality experts now find determines how emotionally resilient children will be throughout their lives.
• Discipline protects children from dangerous situations — hot stoves, running into the street, riding a bicycle without proper protection.
• Discipline establishes parental authority.
• Effective discipline shows children how to avoid future misbehavior.
• And the best benefit: Parents and caregivers will share more loving times with their children through less stressful discipline.
Seven rules that work:
1. Be clear. Use words that establish what you are requesting in clear, declarative sentences. "I expect you to have your homework done by 7 p.m." "You cannot play outside until your room is clean."
2. Be consistent. If you say you are going to impose a consequence, believe in it and follow through. But, if a child is told he can't go out of the house until he's 25, he won't believe in the consequence, and neither will the parent.
3. Be flexible. Be willing to change your tactics or the house rules as your child gets older, more mature or more responsible.
4. Get your values straight. Then discipline for behavior that reflects those values.
5. Take a time out. Think about a consequence you must impose; it's not always possible to come up with an effective and logical consequence on the spot. Also use a time out when your thinking has reached the "rage stage," for instance, "she's driving me crazy on purpose."
6. Pick your issues. Make your strategy "give and take," not "win and lose." If you tell your child "Five more minutes on the computer" and he wants 10, compromise. It's fine to let your child win once in a while.
7. Don't bribe as a means of avoiding misbehavior. Use rewards for good behavior instead. Bribery teaches manipulation of others, versus rewards, which are earned.
Admitting when you are wrong teaches your children to trust you more and to learn not to be so hard on themselves.
Help your children learn self-respect as well as self-control. Don't label negatively. Choose positive words: Perhaps your child is "thorough" rather than "lazy" if he takes a long time on a chore.
Final tips from the parenting trenches:
When it comes to discipline, one size does not fit all. Also, all parenting is discipline.
