Continuing generations of style

By Paula Rath
Advertiser Staff Writer

Mothers, daughters and their closets can be a battleground. Mothers cluck their disapproval: "Too short. Too tight. Too mature." Daughters are embarrassed to be seen with their mothers in public: "Boring. Old-fashioned. Out of it."

Three generations of stylish Ing women, from left: Louise Ing, her daughter, Julie, and her mother, Julia Ing, who patiently waited out Louise's fashion "experiments." Bruce Asato • The Honolulu Advertiser

Yet when all is said and done, mothers often are their daughter's style icons and those who influence their fashion sense more than anyone else.

In recognition of Mother's Day, we talked to island mothers and daughters about how they affect each other's styles.

University of Hawai'i-Manoa fashion student Crystal Pancipanci, age 21, calls her mother, Judy Pancipanci, a buyer for Marukai Wholesale Mart, her fashion stylist.

"My mom has always influenced my style," Pancipanci said. "I still seek her OK for both my shopping purchases and my fashion designs."

Judy Pancipanci said she has always taught her daughter "not to follow a trend if it doesn't suit you. Fashion is fashion, but style is what you are. Style is inside you."

The mother and daughter often shop together, and when they do, said Crystal, "We're a deadly pair."

Their favorite haunts? Ross, the swap meet, Goodwill and the Salvation Army.

In addition, Judy said, Crystal "Shops in my bedroom."

Only occasionally, though, Crystal said, because "She has radar. She knows when I've borrowed something."

A shopping lesson that has been passed down among the women in the Pancipanci household is: If there's something you really want, but it's out of your price range, don't settle for a substitute. Rather, save until you can afford the desired piece, because you'll never be satisfied with second-best.

Patience rewarded

Louise Ing, a lawyer who lives in Lower Makiki, remembers when she was a student at the University of California-Berkeley in the 1970s: "Mother didn't always approve of the way I dressed.

Judy Pancipanci, left, and daughter Crystal Pancipanci both love a bargain and often shop at Ross, Goodwill and the Salvation Army. Jeff Widener • The Honolulu Advertiser

Her mother, one of Honolulu's most elegant women, patiently waited out her three daughters' forays into the various fashions of the times. "I've learned not to give them advice. I've tried hard to remember the less said, the better."

However, Louise Ing said, "All those years of unsolicited advice did sink in, and I took all she said to heart." She added that she learned about style from her impeccably dressed mother, who wears simple, clean lines in striking colors.

"Mother used to dress all three sisters alike — until we knew better," said Louise.

They often wore matching cheongsams when the children were young. "I loved the lace ones," Louise said.

Julia Ing says cheongsams can change your behavior: "When you wear one, you feel elegant and you act a little differently, not so free in your movement."

Then, in the 1950s and early 1960s, the girls wore crinolines — but "the itchy factor got to me," Louise said.

Itchiness is still an issue for the upcoming generation. Louise's daughter, Julia Sitch, age 6, had to change clothes just before leaving for grandmother's house to get her picture taken because "the skirt itched."

It looks as though little Julia may be the most fashion-conscious Ing woman of all. She loves to shop and changes clothes three or four times a day on the weekends. She adores shoes with a little heel and won't allow her mother to go out without nail polish. Her favorite outfits of the moment are a hula pa'u skirt from Hula Supply Co. and a flamenco dress her mother bought her in Barcelona, Spain.

Mutual admiration

Owner of United Laundry and former first lady Vicky Cayetano and her daughter, Marissa Liu, 19, a college student at Loyola Marymount, love to shop together. They remember a day in Paris when they had shopped so much that they decided to save taxi fare by walking back to their hotel. "We walked so far that Marissa's shoes broke," Cayetano said.

Liu remembered another incident when they were shopping in New York. "We were looking for pashmina shawls in the street stands. Mom found some she liked and started bargaining like crazy with this big New York guy. He argued and argued, but she won. At the time, I was embarrassed but now I appreciate the lesson she taught me."

During Liu's high-school years, hem lengths were often an issue. Now, she and her mother have only the highest praise for each other's personal style.

"Marissa has a natural inclination for good style," Cayetano said. "That's why I can see she might want to be a fashion designer."

Interestingly, when they describe each other's styles, Liu and Cayetano sound interchangeable: Both like to be fashionable by sporting a classic, sophisticated look.

On the other hand, Kate and Priscilla Growney seem to have only one thing in common when it comes to style: mutual admiration. Kate, 31, a Los Angeles-based contributing editor at Lucky magazine (considered by most under-30 fashionables to be the hottest fashion magazine around), said there's nothing she would change about her mother's style: "I only hope that when I'm her age, I look as good and dress as well."

Mom's take is a little different: "When it comes to fashion, (Kate) is always trying me with bright colors and edgy clothes. I put them on and just disappear. She looks great in Tracy Feith and Miumiu and Prada, and I look ridiculous in them. She can run for blocks in Manolos and Jimmy Choos. I take my shoes off halfway through an evening."

While Kate's favorite designers are Tracy Feith and Marc Jacobs, Priscilla's are Zoran and Armani. However, Kate said, "We both like pieces that are interesting and fun but don't dictate your personality, simply compliment it."

"I definitely get my style from my mom," Kate said. "Growing up on the Big Island, we were surrounded by artists and my mom, while falling back on classical pieces, always had a radical side to her. She was always discovering individual objects and then mixing them with her classic pieces. For instance, she found these beautiful handcrafted brass belt buckles made by an artist in Aspen, but would then mix them with a white button-down shirt and a pair of old Levis. She also had this suede leather vest covered with pheasant feathers that she would casually wear over a simple black shift."

Sadly, Kate reported, she is unable to share clothes with her mother because "We are completely different body types. I have been known to steal quite a few purses and jewelry pieces, but that's only because she has such great taste."

Respecting her choice

"My clothes would never have matched except for my mom," said Rachel Borg, 16, member of The Advertiser's fashion forum. "I used to wear plaids with stripes and clashing colors, and I finally realized that didn't work, thanks to her."

Borg's mother, Ann Botticelli of Communications Pacific, has only respect for her daughter's eclectic style: "She has a whole lot of different types of clothing, and she is willing to experiment.

"I learned a long time ago that it's a waste of energy to influence her clothing choices. Eventually people will respond to her, and that will show her if she wants to pursue a certain look. It's more harmonious (in the household) that way," Botticelli said.

Do mother and daughter raid each other's closets? Yes, said Botticelli. She recently borrowed a hand-painted shirt she bought Rachel in Nantucket last summer. And Rachel loves to get her hands on her mother's trench coat.

Botticelli remembers one shopping day with Borg: "We were looking at a pair of shoes that were darling — but they were leather, and Rachel is a strict vegetarian who worries about animal rights. There was serious knashing of teeth going on. I told her that if they're going to slaughter the cow for meat anyway, then why not buy these shoes? She was very conflicted over that. Watching her try to bury her sense of social correctness with what was cute fashion-wise was quite a struggle.

By the way, Borg did buy those shoes. "Uh-oh, she's going to kill me for outing her," Botticelli said.