Making business small talk appear spontaneous requires forethought

By Dana Knight
Indianapolis Star

Small talk. Perfect name because, after all, it can make you feel small.

That's bad because in a career, small talk is big. It happens in the elevator, at business dinners, in boardrooms, even in restrooms. Anywhere and everywhere your business takes you, there will be the need for petty talk.

But how do you get past the dull "How's the weather?" talk to an edgier conversation — without crossing the line into the tell-me-your-bra-size, foot-in-the-mouth kind of talk?

It's a fine art, says the appropriately named Debra Fine, author of "The Fine Art of Small Talk."

An admitted introvert, Fine says she was forced to uncover the secrets to bold, engaging conversation — the kind that never dies.

Two basic rules:

• Always ask open-ended questions. Not the ones that can be answered with a yes, no, kind of, not much or whatever.
• Never get personal. Romantic fantasy questions are out. So are asking whether people have kids or are married.

To get good at small talk, Fine says, it takes more than the appropriate questions. It takes understanding why it's important to be good at it.

Small talk, after all, isn't the meat of the meeting or conference call, it's the trimmings. But in the business world, trimmings can turn into gravy.

"When we have good conversational skills and can develop rapport, we gain the edge," she says.

"People at the home office know you. People in HR know you. People actually know you exist, so you get the promotion."

That means you need to be willing to take the risk. Don't wait for someone to engage you. Make the first move.

"If you think the CFO or the woman from the home office is going to come up and introduce themselves to you, you've got to be kidding," she says. "It's up to you."

Once engaged, you have to assume the burden of making yourself and the people around you comfortable. Before any meeting, event, dinner or elevator ride, pause for a few minutes and come up with at least three topics to talk about — should you need a quick cover.

Fine has a book full of them. Here are some of the quirkier ideas:

• Pick an uncontroversial topic from the day's news and ask what the person thinks about it. Such as "So what do you think about the mayor's new pet gerbil?"
• Solicit opinions on all sorts of topics. Many people you come into contact with travel frequently. Ask them what airlines they have found to be the best. Or, when the check is taking forever, ask if the person knows of any outstanding restaurants in town.
• When asking what a person does, also ask how he or she got into the profession. First-job stories often are a source of entertainment.
• If you must talk about personal things (that is, family and children), don't ask specifics. Say something like, "So, bring me up to date on your family."

For the few times you do fail (because nobody's perfect), have a line or two ready that will whisk you away from the painful silence.

Such as:

• "I need to see the exhibits."
• "I need a refill on my drink."
• "I need to say hello to the host."
• "Will you be at the next meeting? Great. See you then."
• "I need to call home."

If it's done with tact, you will leave looking big.