By Lee Cataluna
Advertiser Columnist

Are they fencing the stuff? Is there a black market? Is it an organized racket? A fruit syndicate? Or are there thieves leaning over trash cans and kitchen sinks gorging themselves on hot lychee?

What's going on here?

Every lychee season there are reports of lychee theft. By reports, I mean more than anecdotal "Eh, some dirty bugga' been steal all my lychee up da house!" I mean police reports.

Years ago, while covering news on Kaua'i, I noticed reports of lychee theft appearing on the police blotter right up there with bad checks, shop-lifting and rental car break-ins. Lychee theft, but never mango theft, papaya theft, apple banana theft and the like. Not like no one was stealing mangoes, papayas, apple bananas and the like. Just that nobody bothered to report those crimes to police. Lychee theft is definitely a different category. As then-police chief Calvin Fujita explained to me, "Lychee is valuable."

Last week on the Big Island of Hawai'i, a man was charged with, not lychee theft, but lychee ROBBERY. Two counts. The incident in question took place at a commercial lychee farm. The owners of the farm spotted the alleged suspect stealing fruit and were "injured slightly" when they tried to stop the guy, according to the Hawai'i County Police Department media release. The suspected lychee stealer's bail was set at $150,000.

Ho!

Mo' betta he just go buy at the farmers' market, no? Save money.

Lest you think lychee stealing and the reporting of such crimes is strictly a neighbor island occurrence, there's the story of the Honolulu lychee tree and the Christmas bells.

Honolulu police were called to a Manoa home last week where a lychee tree was raided in a two-night operation. Everything hanging six feet or less from the ground was taken; first one side of the tree one night, then the other side the second night.

The owners of the tree were heartbroken. The tree had been loaded with lychee. The thieves had taken ripe fruit, unripe fruit, even the little green fruitlets. The lychee tree owners were planning to share. If the thieves had only asked.

Police responding to the scene were understanding, the tree-owners said. They suggested installing motion-detector lights in the yard. They said it was good to have a police report just in case there happened to be a traffic stop and the car was loaded down with suspicious fruit. In gratitude, the tree-owners offered the cops some of what was left. "You folks want some lychee?"

"Shoots! Thanks!"

The plan is to tie Christmas bells onto the tree as a low-tech alarm. Fishing bells might work better since they're heavier and wouldn't blow about in the wind. Still, the tree owners probably won't sleep well until lychee season is over and the temptation for fruitnapping is gone.

Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at 535-8172 or lcataluna@honoluluadvertiser.com