Coping with deployment different for each family

By Derrick DePledge
Advertiser Staff Writer

Lynn Leith's son Jacob was just 14 months old when his father was sent by the Army on a peacekeeping mission to Bosnia. The couple worried that Jacob would grow distant with his father away at such an early age, but when dad returned home safe a little more than a year later, the reunion was sweet.

Danielle Vidal, with 3-year-old daughter Sadie Goers, plans to return to Florida while her husband is on a one-year deployment. Deborah Booker • The Honolulu Advertiser

Soldiers and their families have been preparing for a deployment announcement for the past several months, but most thought the mission would likely involve six-month tours of Afghanistan. Instead, 4,500 soldiers at Schofield will leave as early as February for a yearlong tour in Iraq, while 3,500 soldiers will be sent in the spring for a yearlong stint in Afghanistan.

These moments are what soldiers train for and their loved ones have grown to accept as facts of military life, but the reality can still be difficult, especially given the dangerous climate in Iraq. More U.S. soldiers have been killed in Iraq since President Bush declared that major combat operations were over in May than were killed during the heart of the war.

For the past few months, families have been attending Army Community Service classes on how to deal with deployment. But yesterday, after the official announcement, 150 people showed up for a class. "It's a reality now," said Eileen McLaughlin, an Army community services officer.

The classes help singles and couples work through stress, manage their finances and benefits, and prepare for the effect that a lengthy absence can have on relationships. Family Readiness Groups, usually organized around military units, help those who stay behind handle any emotional or psychological setbacks.

"It's always the little things, the unexpected," said Judi Dewhurst, a mother of two whose husband is Lt. Col. Mark Dewhurst. "Your car breaks down. Your kid gets sick."

The support groups can become close because many stationed at Schofield are an ocean away from friends and family on the Mainland and can feel isolated when their spouse leaves for duty. "It becomes kind of an anchor," said Vicki Olson, whose husband is Maj. Gen. Eric Olson, the commanding general of the 25th Infantry Division (Light) and U.S. Army, Hawai'i.

"To us, this is our extended family."

Danielle Vidal said her husband, Anthony, who is part of the 1st Battalion, 25th Aviation Regiment, is going to either Afghanistan or Iraq.

"We'll probably find out all the details in December," said Vidal, who is two months pregnant with the couple's second child. "It's crazy to live like this because it will be around Christmastime when we find out where he goes, how long he goes for, when he's leaving."

Asked how she'll cope, Vidal said, "You go home." In her case, that's Florida. "You pack up your household goods and stay with family," she said, "because what would I do over here?"

Vidal, who got out of the Army about a year ago, said some spouses do the same thing during a lengthy deployment. "A year is a long time by yourself, especially me having a baby," she said.

Vidal said she would worry more if her husband has to go to Iraq. "When you've got people saying it's the next Vietnam — yeah, it's a huge deal," she said. "(But) both ways it's a foreign country, and both ways they are in danger."

Even for those spouses who stay, routines and responsibilities could soon change and cause feelings of anxiety, particularly for those with younger children.

At Wheeler Elementary School in Wahiawa, where more than 90 percent of students are from military families, administrators are discussing evening family wellness sessions. Joe Lee, the school's principal, said he would like to see a potluck or other social activities for parents and counseling, if necessary, for children.

"We want to make it so it's enjoyable, but we would also offer the kids therapy if they needed it," Lee said.

Dewhurst recommends that spouses experiencing their first deployment be flexible because in the military, orders can always shift. "Believe in yourself," she advised. "Have the confidence to know that you're going to be OK."

Leith, who made it through her husband's mission to Bosnia, is now five months pregnant with the couple's third child. She has organized "Operation Bun in the Oven" for the handful of other expectant mothers in the 1st Battalion, 27th Infantry Regiment.

She knows her husband will probably not be here when she gives birth in March, but she also knows that she is not alone. Her sister from Chicago plans to be her delivery coach, and her parents are coming from Mississippi.

Before he leaves, her husband will read children's books on videotape so the new baby and Jacob, now 7, and Andrew, 3, will remember how their father looks and sounds.

"He knows what he has to do," Leith said. "He's ready. It's been amazing. I've been OK with this whole thing.

"I'm just going to keep showing them those videotapes until their daddy comes home."

Advertiser staff writer William Cole contributed to this report. Reach Derrick DePledge at ddepledge@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8084.