ABOUT WOMEN
Midlife Man needs a red pickup like a fish needs a bicycle

Editor's note: Last week, About Men columnist Mike Gordon made a public plea for help in convincing his wife to let him get a red truck. Why should he have all the fun? In the interest of fair play, we asked his wife, Suzanne Roig, for a rebuttal.

By Suzanne Roig
Advertiser Staff Writer

Mr. G. says he needs a truck. Not just any old truck, but a new, red, four-wheel drive with racks to carry stuff, a CD player and air-conditioning. Hmm. This is the first I've heard of this desire.

I'm not sure he lives on the same planet, or even the same household.

Lucky for Mr. G, his old, high-mileage, dented car with the crusted-over food stains on the back seat gets him where he is going.

Now that I think of it, maybe Mr. G did mention it while we were tooling down Kalaniana'ole Highway. I thought it was one of those pipe dreams. Those idle comments. You know, like I'd like to look like (insert favorite actress here), or I wish I had (insert sum of money here). Now that I think of it, I thought Mr. G.'s comment on the truck was just that: a dream. Must be one of those women and men things, Mars and Venus.

Really, now, isn't the bottom line reliable transportation? The old, 1,307,000-mile sedan works just fine, doesn't it? It starts in the morning. Gets you where you're going. It's not pretty. Not sporty. Doesn't have those fancy rims. But it does have roof racks to carry those so-called manly things.

Aren't we all more than what we drive? Judging by the 24 letters sent to whymikeneedsatruck@hotmail.com from readers, I wonder. Less than a handful felt that a truck was unnecessary.

I heard from many of Mr. G's fans on this topic. One reader suggested it would be fun for the entire family in an extended cab with wishbone suspension, but in silver. Another thought Mr. G had paid his dues by being considerate with the toilet seat and eating the unwanted leftovers, and the new truck was his due. (How much did he pay the author of that letter?)

The best one said Mr. G was deserving because "looking at his picture in the paper ... he's not getting any younger."

For the reader who suggested I had emasculated Mr. G by making him ask for a red truck, I say: You need a life.

So what's with this visceral need for a new truck? If I didn't know any better, I'd think Mr. G has been reading too many of those men's magazines with the slick car ads. Maybe it's a man-o-pause moment.

The cold, hard truth of the matter, Mr. G., is that Baby needs new shoes: tap shoes, ballet shoes, soccer shoes and school shoes.

And don't forget the braces and the college tuition in six short years.

So revel in the truth that you are more than what you drive. After all, Mr. G., you are the He-man around the house. The fixer guy. The go-to guy for bug slayings, rodent removal and outdoor holiday decorations. At this stage in our married life, we have to be practical. But if you want, we can still rethink the Volvo station wagon.

Suzanne Roig, married to Mike Gordon for 17 years, drives a 1999 Subaru Forester (it's red!) and is reachable at sroig@honoluluadvertiser.com or 395-8831. She reports on East Honolulu for The Advertiser.