By Lee Cataluna
Advertiser Columnist

It would be funny if it was some kind of performance art. Or an episode of "Punk'd." It's actually funnier that it isn't.

It happens to such an absurd degree that it seems like it must be planned or choreographed; as though someone stood up in the middle of the Hawaiian Airlines flight and said, "OK, everybody, check this out! As soon as the plane lands, we all go take out our cell phones and check messages. That way, when we walk off the jetway, we all going have the cell phones by our ears and the people waiting at the gate for the next flight, they going trip out!

Going be cool."

But nobody has to organize it. It just happens.

Next time you find yourself sitting at the airport waiting to board a plane, take note of the folks streaming off interisland flights. Most of them are heavy into a conversation by the time they reach the end of the jetway.

"Ho. It's me. I stay. It's ME. I STAY! No, I stay. I STAY! Airport. Come pick me up."

"OK. OK. OK. Baggage claim. No, Aloha. Downstairs. Baggage claim. 'Kay, bye."

"Bobby, do me one favor. Try check the coffee. I stay Kaua'i. Try look the coffee. I cannot remember if I turned the thing off. Just go look. No, I stay Kaua'i that's why."

One of the variations is to turn on your cell phone the moment the plane touches down and briefly glance down to see if anyone left a message. Of course, the phone will tell you there are NO NEW MESSAGES, because no matter what service you have, it takes a while for new messages to "hit." Sometimes, it takes a couple of days. But messages left while you were in the air with your cell phone turned off will always "hit" just as you reach the end of the jetway. Then your special message ring will go off and you can do the eye-roll, "sheesh, now I gotta' go dig out my phone from my bag" look of annoyance and thus impress anyone watching by how busy and burdened you are.

The interisland cell phone bag is becoming a standard carry-on, right up there with manapua boxes from Libby's or Chun Wah Kam. Some even come in fabric that almost matches the Aloha or Hawaiian Airlines uniforms. The really handy ones have a long strap you can hang around your neck. That way, you have your hands free for all the manapua boxes.

With security measures the way they are now, you can no longer run off the jetway and fall into your loved ones' arms. The best you can do is call their cell to bridge the 10 minutes it takes from touch down to baggage claim.

How nice to be so excited to see someone that you can't wait to get to the curb to say hello.

And how wonderful to have someone you miss so much that a 20-minute plane ride takes you too far away; so far that you just have to call to say you got in safely.

And that the manapua arrived unharmed.

Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at 535-8172 or lcataluna@honoluluadvertiser.com.