For a groom, there's more to it than just showing up

Editor's note: Who says it's all about the bride? Today, in the last segment of the wedding planner, the groom gets the last word.

By Eric Leach
Special to The Advertiser

Some time ago, my fiancee and I had a conversation that went something like this.

She: "What would you say is your idea of a perfect wedding?"

Me: "Someplace in the mountains, with close friends and family, and maybe a barbecue afterward. Nothing fancy, just a good time, with good people. What about you? What is your idea of a perfect wedding?"

She: "I think I am going to have the fish tacos."

I like to think that I am a traditional kind of guy. Maybe even a little old-fashioned at times. I say "Yes, sir," and "Yes, ma'am." I open the door for my lady. If she is standing, so am I. So why am I having such a hard time with wedding planning? I mean, come on. Plan the rehearsal dinner and be in the right place at the right time, in the right uniform, on game day. Her family traditionally plans the rest. How easy can it be?

Oh, if it were only that easy.

I am a goal-orientated problem solver. Identify the problem, develop several courses of action and choose a course of action. Problem solved. This has always worked well for me. It allows me to make an informed decision based on the facts presented to me.

A recent problem my fiancee and I faced was one of many trivial ones. Our wedding is being held outside, and the problem was: How do we pin an aisle runner down to keep it from blowing away during the ceremony? Problem identified. Course of action No. 1: garden stakes. Course of action No. 2: rocks. Course of action No. 3: no aisle runner. For me, this is easy. No aisle runner means any chance of it blowing away is negated. Problem solved, right? I think we all know the answer to that one.

Then there is family. The groom's family has it made, with the same responsibilities as the groom. Too easy, right? The bride's family, on the other hand, is charged with creating a magical moment to be remembered for all time. This is much easier said than done from 5,000 miles away. Meanwhile, the great problem solver, yours truly, is right here.

A smart man will see the red flags popping up right about now. I must be color blind. For example: A suggestion from the mother of the bride usually ends with a period, not a question mark. Again, a smart man recognizes this and quickly agrees. A problem solver sees it merely as an alternate course of action. One to be considered, but not necessarily followed. Hey, what are all of these flags doing here?

Finally, there is us. We both have a vision of what our day is supposed to be like. Ideally, those two visions mesh and become one, just as our lives will in just about a week.

Through it all, we have managed to keep our sanity and our pride. We have been able to talk out our disagreements and find compromise in most things. Moreover, we have maintained our sense of humor. Laughing at the little things, and laughing harder at the big things will see us through.

Because in the end, we both know that it is going to be a magical moment in time. A moment that will live within our families, our friends and our hearts for years to come.

I would like to take this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to thank everyone who has helped us on our journey, from the staff and general manager of the Hale Koa, to our friends, near and far.

A special thank you to our families who have supported us in so many ways. And finally, to my wonderful bride-to-be, Tanya, who amazes me daily. I have promised you the world. On that, I will deliver. I only ask that you forgive me the next time you ask my opinion, and I say: "I think I am going to have the fish tacos."

Eric Leach, an Army helicopter pilot, and Tanya Bricking, The Advertiser's relationships writer, will marry next weekend. Read Bricking's online wedding blog, including today's last posting.

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