THE WEDDING PLANNER
Overheard in the marriage license office
• The Wedding Planner's Web log
By Tanya Bricking
Advertiser Staff Writer
Bureaucracy has a soft spot in Room 101 at the state Department of Health, an essential stop for altar-bound couples on O'ahu: the marriage license office.
To eavesdrop in line there is to gain a new understanding about how tying the knot can tie people's stomachs in knots.
Witness Couple No. 1, who came without cash. Bureaucracy may have a soft spot, but it is pinching pennies. If you don't bring $60 cash for a license, do not pass Go. Turn around and head for a cash machine.
Not only do some couples never pass Go, others are sent directly to jail. Clerks remember that happening to one groom who took a detour from a prison work-furlough program and ended up back in his cell.
Some people forget to get a marriage license. That results in scenes like the time when a Japanese actress in her wedding dress rushed in to with her groom to make it legal, leaving guests waiting all the while.
Drama in the waiting line
While I lingered in line, the cashless couple created the biggest drama. The other drama? Men talking about their feelings.
Witness Couple No. 2: Gerald McKinney and Teresa Freeman of Huntsville, Ala.
"I was getting emotional in there," 52-year-old McKinney told his bride on the way out.
That could explain why it took him 10 years to tie the knot.
The vacationers just decided to marry on Monday. Well, maybe it wasn't so much "they" as it was 46-year-old Freeman, a woman itching to wed.
"She decided," McKinney interjected as she told the story.
They still had a few details to work out, such as whether she would take his name. When it came to the "I do" part, they turned to the yellow pages, hired someone to arrange the ceremony and prepared to be husband and wife.
They offered this advice:
"I was married before," McKinney said. "This time, I made sure it was right."
"We spent 10 years making sure it was right," Freeman added.
Late bloomers
It was a day for late-blooming grooms during my eavesdropping adventure in the marriage license line.
Two 46-year-old men walked in with their future wives and told similar stories about never having married and feeling life was too short to let the opportunity pass.
"It's as good a time as any for me," said Bill Puchert, of Palolo Valley, who will marry Debbie Baptist on Oct. 18 in front of 120 friends and family. "I hadn't met the right person in my life. It took me all this time."
Puchert wanted to elope. It would have saved them from the minutiae of discussing tablecloth colors. But Baptist, thrilled to have found someone who makes her laugh, opted for a community celebration.
Forty-six-year-old bachelor Graham Tooke, though, was in line preparing to escape the hassles of a large English wedding. His bride Sally O'Sullivan did an Internet research to find a getaway spot in which to wed. Their first choice was Bali, but terrorism threats there made Hawai'i rise to the top. O'Sullivan's father died last year, and she said she wouldn't have wanted to marry in England without him. So marrying by a waterfall was the biggest escape they could find.
"Do what makes you happy," O'Sullivan advised. "This was easier on us and far easier on our families."
Fools rush in
In case you're wondering, the clerks behind the counter do notice couples who have the glow of being in love. But they also admit they look at some couples and think they'll never make it. One red flag: sending people out to the hall to argue.
Working in the office teaches you something about love and life, said never-wed clerk Erin Miyashiro, 23, of Kaimuki.
"Seeing how people in here act makes you think twice about getting married," she said. "Some people should think more about it. You don't just rush into this."
The dozens of couples who come in the office each day are mostly an upbeat bunch.
In this line, people have been known to actually pitch in money for couples who forget their cash.
Other couples have given up prime spaces in line to help out procrastinating brides and grooms trying to make it to the church in time.
On any given day, marriage license offices in the Islands issue about 70 licenses.
Last year, Hawai'i issued 26,190 licenses and recorded 25,795 marriages, which factors into about one couple a day getting cold feet. As odds go, that's not too bad.
Tanya Bricking writes about relationships for The Advertiser.
[Posted on October 31, 2003 at 7:40 am HST]
If you could delete the "I's", My's, Me's & We's you could shorten your articles to one or two sentenances. Basically get right down to the substance. My oh my what an ego you must have.
Jeff Dowdy
Waikiki
[Posted on October 10, 2003 at 1:56 pm HST]
Wonderful insight to the front lines of getting married. All the ladies there truly share the Aloha spirit everyday all year long. They are our Ambassadors of Marriage in the Aloha State. As a retired Pastor and Ordained Minister I perform about 400 - 500 weddings a year here in my island home and deal almost daily with the license process and the ladies at the DOH. The stories are so amazing and truly touch the heart and often the funny bone(as you mentioned they hear it all)Then I get the other side of the wedding, The Ceremony. We could all fill a wonderful book about the many adventures at the alter. My many thanks to the ladies at DOH. Almost without exception the couples comment about how well they were treated. PS. The 46 year old English bachelor, Graham Tooke & Sally O'Sullivan; I performed their Ceremony on Wednesday. Yes the rainest day of the week!!!! True English weather. Her waterfall was flooded, mud everywhere which doesn't go with a long beautiful white gown and white shoes so we moved them and the Limo to the beach at Daimond Head where the gentle rain (a Hawaiian Blessing & Wind) made their Dream come true. Another day in Paradise. Aloha. Rev. Neal.
Rev. Neal H. McHnery
Honolulu, Hawaii
[Posted on October 10, 2003 at 10:03 am HST]
I remember when my then fiance (now husband) and I were getting our marriage license. The waiting room was filled with a sense of excitement and anxiety.....I remember thinking to myself, \"I can\'t believe I\'m here. I can\'t believe this is one step closer to GETTING MARRIED!\" Before going in, we were having a \"heated\" discussion about me wanting to hyphenate my name rather than just taking his name. The clerk had this smirk on her face and I just had to laugh because I could just imagine all the things they hear and see in that office. I was rather embarassed, but once I began writing down what my name would be, to my husband\'s surprise (after all that arguing), I ended up taking his last name and keeping my maiden name as my middle.
Dias
Hawaii Kai
[Posted on October 10, 2003 at 9:56 am HST]
We were married at dawn on Kuhio Beach,after my 80th birthday.Everyone in the office was wonderful.
Bill Wilcox
Waikiki
[Posted on October 10, 2003 at 7:39 am HST]
I have been in the office and notice that there are several vendors working the place. Is this supported by the State of Hawaii? This seems to be a little odd for a State - vendor relationship.
John Johnson
Waialae
