By Lee Cataluna

Hawai'i knows: Uji is incurable

If the uji code existed on the Mainland, Arnold Schwarzenegger might not have won.

Not that the uji code is fail-proof. Even here in the Islands, where legions of akamai wahine participate in the free social service, lots of uji guys slip through and practice their uji ways with impunity.

But it works enough of the time to be useful.

Examples:

Some senior women in an office take the new employee to lunch on her first day.

At lunch, it's simple get-to-know-you chitchat, but on the walk back, one of the veterans tells the rookie, "Oh, and watch out for Barry. He's uji." Thus, uji Barry has one less innocent victim.

Two women friends are walking around the mall. They're approached by an overly friendly man who knows one of the ladies. He swoops down and tries to give the big hello, but the woman hisses to her friend, "Uji alert! Uji alert!" All he gets is the stiff-armed handshake. Phew! Dodged that one.

A student is deciding which classes to take next semester. Her friend might advise her, "You can take that guy's class, but don't take his lab. And don't go talk to him alone during his office hours. He kinda' dakine as' why."

"Uji?"

"Yeah. Kind of."

"He don't look uji."

"Believe me," (insert knowing nod here) "he is."

If a guy is uji, Hawai'i women take it upon themselves to warn others. It's all informal, coconut wireless. There's no master uji list. Women just know. Uji gets around. And women will ask to make sure. "So this guy Barry called and left message on my voice mail. You know him? He uji or what?"

What's the definition of uji? It describes behavior that is gross, inappropriate, salacious, lewd. Uji is a few shades away from totally offensive, but in a different category than anything criminal or violent. I am told that the word means "maggot" in Japanese. Perhaps that's an appropriate description.

In the California gubernatorial recall election, women of every age group strongly backed Schwarzenegger despite allegations by more than a dozen women that he had grabbed, groped or sexually harassed them.

The woman who voted for Arnold either didn't believe he was uji, didn't think he was all THAT uji, or thought that he used to be uji but wasn't anymore. (I seriously doubt uji-ness can be cured.)

So is he? Is Schwarzenegger uji? More than a dozen women said he acted uji to them. He admitted to it, though he played it down by saying he didn't mean to offend anybody, that it was all in fun.

But that's what all the uji guys say.

They go, "What? What?

I was just joking around! Why, no can take a joke? You super-sensitive or what?"

No. But you, you uji. My friend said.

Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at 535-8172 or lcataluna@honoluluadvertiser.com