'Are you getting cold feet?'

• The Wedding Planner's Web log

By Tanya Bricking
Advertiser Staff Writer

Thursday, Oct. 16, 2003

My dentist's gift to brides-to-be is free teeth whitening.

It seemed like a pretty cool perk from the same dentist who saw me through the dark days of a root canal a couple of years ago. This must be his way of making people look forward to coming back to his office even after root canals. Smart thinking. I thanked him and made an appointment to be fitted for teeth molds. Never expected that to turn up on my wedding to-do list.

So I've been wearing a mouthful of the whitening stuff to bed for the last few nights.

Let me tell you, it's a definite romance-killer. (Not to mention some problematic wedding details that have put me and my fiancé on edge lately. We're thinking about making venue changes even after our invitations are out because of circumstances beyond our control.)

At times like this, I've fought to grin and bear it despite my frustration. It certainly makes me realize there are more important things to focus on than whiter teeth and wedding planning.

It's just funny how weddings can make people obsess about surface details while overlooking bigger issues. It's so easy to get consumed with things that won't matter once the wedding is over.

I went to bed last night with my teeth trays in my mouth and managed to mumble to my fiancé words no bride-to-be wants to speak out loud: "Are you getting cold feet?"

We both went to bed angry over tangled wedding plans. The silence was bothering me. I just didn't know if anything else was wrong.

Thankfully, he said no, he's not getting cold feet. He's just frustrated about the same surface stuff that's bothering me.

On a deeper level, we're OK. We are anxious to put our energy into the marriage instead of the wedding. Knowing we agree about that makes me smile even brighter on the inside that could ever come across on the surface.

Tanya Bricking writes about relationships for The Advertiser. Reach her at tbricking@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8026.

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