For dating services, Hawai'i is a paradise
By Timothy Hurley
Advertiser Staff Writer
Things are going quite well for Dee Dee DeSoto. She launched her Party of Six dating service in a downtown location eight months ago and business is so good she's preparing to open a new office at Century Center in January.
"We have a lot of singles (in Hawai'i). It's amazing," DeSoto said. "There are three major dating services here and there's plenty of room for all of us."
DeSoto isn't just whispering sweet nothings. The U.S. Census Bureau released a report yesterday showing that Hawai'i ranks among the nation's top 10 states in the percentage of single people.
What's more, the report, "Marital Status: 2000," ranked the Aloha State third in the percentage of people who have never married.
Specifically, 47 percent of Hawai'i's population 15 years and over — about 453,000 people — told the Census Bureau they were unmarried, while a little more than 30 percent, or about 293,000, said they never married.
Compared with the 1990 census, Hawai'i showed increases in singles and divorced, widowed and separated people across the board. That includes a 24 percent increase in divorced people and a 13 percent rise in those who never married.
The figures are no surprise to the leaders at First Presbyterian Church of Honolulu, which has hired a pastor to serve the community's growing number of singles.
Family Life Pastor Gary Van Brocklin will be joining the staff in January, but the church didn't wait to launch the ministry. The first event this spring drew 90 singles.
"That's equal to a small church itself," said Vicki Wiley, the director of children's ministries, who is helping with the singles program until Van Brocklin arrives.
Since that first event, the church has been holding a monthly social event as well as classes for widows and the divorced and a Bible study for singles.
Relationship counselor Angelina Genie Joseph said many of her clients who are newcomers have unrealistic expectations about marriage in Hawai'i.
"Many of them are making transitions and rethinking their life, and they bring to Hawai'i unrealistic ideas of what paradise is. I tell them that in marriage you have to go past the idealized and be delighted in the ordinary," she said.
In addition, lots of relationships seem to run into trouble because of cultural differences and misunderstandings, she said.
"Each culture has unique ideas about the rules of love," said Joseph, a former radio-show host who does counseling at her Manoa home.
For example, a person of Japanese ancestry might expect their love interest to know what's wrong without having to tell them, while a Caucasian might expect their love interest to articulate the problem. And there are the instances where one culture allows affection to be expressed openly while another does not, leaving one person in the relationship routinely embarrassed and the other feeling unloved.
"That's not to say people of different races shouldn't have relationships. They just need more flexibility to people with different styles," she said.
According to the census, Asians had one of the highest percentages of married people — 60 percent for men and 61 percent for women — and the lowest proportion of separated or divorced — 4 percent for men and 7 percent for women, reflecting a lower incidence of divorce among Asians.
As a whole, Hawai'i's divorced and separated populations — 87,188 and 15,454, respectively — were proportionately lower than the national numbers, according to the census.
DeSoto, a former radio personality and event planner, owned and operated Kindred Hearts Activities and Adventures, a singles activity service, for five years before opening Party of Six, which matches three men and three women for group dinner dates.
She acquired the names of a whopping 28,000 single people from just 10 ZIP codes in higher income areas of greater Honolulu.
"I was really surprised," she said.
DeSoto said Hawai'i seems to be a popular moving destination for single men who have the freedom to travel and uproot their home.
According to the Census Bureau, there are 98 men for every 100 women in Hawai'i, which is above the national average of 86 men for every 100 women.
In eight months, Party of Six has increased from two dinners a week to five.
"We're doing really well," she said.
Reach Tim Hurley at thurley@honoluluadvertiser.com.
