Surprise! Military wives throw a shower
By Tanya Bricking
Advertiser Staff Writer
Monday, Oct. 27, 2003
Every time I drive into my new neighborhood in the former Navy housing at Iroquois Point, I feel like I'm going back in time. It feels very 1950s, with its cookie-cutter beach cottages and playgrounds where kids still actually go outside and play until they're called for supper.
The week we moved in, a neighbor brought over a hanging flower basket. Last weekend, we stopped for refreshments at a lemonade stand down the block. And the other day, a dozen people sat around carving pumpkins outside the community center.
It's a quaint, mostly military neighborhood, the kind of place people wax nostalgic about because neighbors are always outside talking, walking their dogs and having barbeques.
I never pictured myself to be the traditional type, falling for all this suburbia, yet here I am marrying a military guy and enjoying coming home from work and hanging out at home, trying new recipes and remembering to water the plants. I guess we're just another young couple nesting.
But it's strange to be initiated into another style of life. Yesterday, my fiancé told me we were invited over to his buddy's house to play cards. It was going to be a Sunday-afternoon "barbeque." That turned out to be code for "bridal shower."
When we walked in, a room full of women yelled "Surprise!" The guys headed outside for beers, and I sat in a chair decorated with balloons and flowers, suddenly the center of attention for a group of women welcoming me into their world.
I was at the same time nervous and comforted — nervous to be the center of attention and comforted that these women, even the ones I had met only once, were throwing me a party and making me feel like a part of their circle.
I don't know most of these women very well, but they did something for me that seems second-nature to a lot of military spouses, maybe out of habit after moving from place to place: They reached out to draw me in.
I expected that in the event my husband-to-be is deployed, these would be the people I would turn to for support because they would be going through the same thing. It just made me feel better to know they're already there for me.
One of my work friends asked me at lunch today how my weekend was, and I told her about my surprise shower and my quaint little neighborhood. She teased me that she wouldn't be surprised to see me show up for work in a headband and June Cleaver house dress.
It may be corny, but true: Part of making my marriage work is going to take embracing a world I thought of as my fiancé's, including a military crowd I thought of as "his" friends and their wives. I'm glad to know they're not just "his." They are becoming my friends and neighbors, too.
Tanya Bricking writes about relationships for The Advertiser. Reach her at tbricking@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8026.
[Posted on October 28, 2003 at 4:30 pm HST]
Tanya,
Reading your story brought tears to my eyes. I too have come to realize just how special military families are. My life has been filled with so much joy and warmth since becoming a "military" wife. I currently live the life you wrote about in your story. My neighbors and I often sit outside and chat as we watch the kids play. We do not need a special occasion to "have a barbeque", its just happens! If it were not for my neighbor friends dragging me to the gym each day, I may not have lost the five pounds needed to fit into the dress I borrowed (from another wife) to wear to the ball.
It is so nice to have like-minded military wives, to fill-in in many ways in my life as sisters, mothers, aunts, grandmothers, and friends. I have learned that the greatest benefit of being a military spouse is having the opportunity to make lifelong friends.
Living in Hawaii has made it very difficult for my family of six to travel to the mainland to visit relatives, but having our "military family" around makes the tour more bearable. I thank God for military wives who I consider the glue that holds the military family together.
Pamela Harris
Schofield Barracks, HI
[Posted on October 28, 2003 at 1:11 pm HST]
Im glad I read your story, you see my fiance is leaving for active duty sometime next year and his friends wives are trying to get me to hang out with them and I told him no way I dont know them they dont know me Im gonna feel weired. but thanks to you I think I will give it a shot and hang out with them for a night or so.
kahea leon
kihei
[Posted on October 28, 2003 at 7:14 am HST]
This story took me back 38 years to Naval Communications Station, Wahiawa where I experienced the same warm welcome by miliary families when I was pregnant with my twin sons. My husband, a Marine, was "attached" to three commands and we were embraced by all three. Wives in EACH group, two Navy and one Marine, held baby showers for us even though we were new to most of them. I still find myself telling this story now and then. Thank you for, again reminding me how special this was.
Carole Chun
Honolulu
[Posted on October 28, 2003 at 2:43 am HST]
Yes! There are still places and communities that are like "Mayberry"--I am originally from Hawaii and missed the aloha spirit as I knew it in the 60's--but it is live and well in some of the small towns around here. Clothes lines in the backyard where neighbors visit over the fence and everyone in the neighborhood looks after each other--good luck on your marriage--Aloha Carol
Carol Arnold
Grand Rapids, Minnesota
