Patience, love make lasting nectar for life together
By Tanya Bricking
Advertiser Staff Writer
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| Ward Stewart, 73, and George Vye, 67, began their life together 48 years ago and were married last month in Canada. |
He's been sending out e-mails this week letting the world know: They finally made it legal (at least the most legal way possible.)
Stewart, 73, and his longtime companion, 67-year-old George Vye, ran off from their Waikiki condo to Victoria, British Columbia, two weeks ago and signed a certificate proclaiming them husband and husband. (In July, British Columbia legalized gay marriage. Stewart and Vye have been among hundreds of gay Americans who have flocked there to tie the knot.)
So what do they have to teach a straight woman half their age about marriage? More than I expected.
They already have outlasted a lot of married couples who have faced far fewer obstacles. And their take on life and love are good lessons for anybody.
"In the '40s when George and I first became aware of our sexuality, it was plain to us that we had, in the lottery of life, been dealt lemons," said Stewart, a retired nurse from New York. "From those lemons we made up a pitcher of lemonade of such excellence that it was wildly intoxicating in the springtime, wondrously sustaining and joyful during the long summer of our lives, and now, in autumn, there are still astonishing moments of sweetness as the crusts of sugar in the bottom of the pitcher are disturbed."
Who can argue with prose like that?
Theirs is a love story that stacks up against the best of them.
Stewart was 25 and operating an art gallery in New York when a 19-year-old student with the Martha Graham dance company wandered in; they began what Stewart describes as a "long, harmless" and loving life together.
Stewart ran his gallery for years, became a nurse and was one of the founding members of a Greenwich Village health center that pioneered the identification and treatment of HIV patients during the emerging AIDS pandemic. Vye became an artist and book illustrator, and they lived in Manhattan and Staten Island until they retired to Hawai'i about 14 years ago.
Here, they became crusaders for the same-sex marriage issue, and though it failed, they never gave up. They continue to fight for the same pursuit of happiness as straight couples long for.
When I first heard about their wedding, I wondered how they would feel about being included in this wedding-planner column. Even though they don't advertise their couplehood by walking hand-in-hand down the beach, these are two men who never really shied away from appearing in places where other people thought they might not belong.
They got married for many of the same reasons I'm getting married, but their wedding was more a matter of politics.
"We have been utterly married for many years," Stewart said. "We're as married as we can be without federal recognition."
Logistically, their wedding was like an elopement. Two friends from Seattle came as their witnesses, and they married in a hotel room, barefoot and wearing regular aloha shirts and pants.
"It was only moderately more romantic than getting a dog license," Stewart joked. They celebrated with a nice dinner and bottle of champagne, and their news has been met with absolute approval from their friends and families.
No matter how you feel about same-sex marriage, their love is an inspiration.
Patience and love are their secrets to a happy life together. They say being nice to each other is another of their pacts.
"Never let those words fly out of your head that you can't get back," Stewart advised.
He has given me some of the best advice yet on love and marriage. I'm hoping my own pitcher of lemonade will taste just as sweet.
Tanya Bricking writes about relationships for The Advertiser.
[Posted on November 23, 2003 at 5:46 am HST]
I've taken some time to comment because I find it hard to write through tears. That happens every time I read this.
My congratulations to these beautiful men and my heartfelt wishes for many more miles in their journey together.
John McKenzie
Wurtland, Kentucky
[Posted on November 18, 2003 at 12:58 pm HST]
I wish you both kindness, joy , love and happiness.
Van-Martin Rowe
Pasadena, California
[Posted on November 15, 2003 at 10:08 am HST]
A true and real love with another person is an entity that has nothing to do with money, position or sexuality. Being functional and caring to another, treating them like you would like to be treated... add chemistry and you've got magic. Most people do not have that magic in their lives.
Judy Angel
Maui and Florida
[Posted on November 9, 2003 at 4:12 am HST]
Our congratulations, Ward and George, the best guests in my B&B
Giulio and Barbara (Barbara B&B)
Rome, Italy
[Posted on November 2, 2003 at 3:52 am HST]
You've done it again Tanya! Thank you for a wonderfully written and touching article on two very interesting men in community. They are truly a super couple! cg
Carolyn Martinez Golojuch, MSW
Makakilo, HI
[Posted on November 1, 2003 at 8:11 am HST]
Our congratulations to Ward and George, both for their love for the ages and for getting that love "formalized" in that beacon of freedom, Canada. We are about to embark on a journey to Ontario for the same purpose. We will wear the tuxes we bought for our commitment ceremony 3 years ago. Aloha shirts might be more fun, though.
Although we have only been together for five years, we were both previously married--to women--for 26 and 48 years, respectively. We know how true it is that words spoken in anger can hurt beyond the power of apology to heal. Now we are retired in the city of Laurin's birth and loving every second of it.
Kudos to the happy couple for their audacity and romanticism. May they long prosper!
Lewis and Laurin
Denver, CO
[Posted on November 1, 2003 at 3:51 am HST]
How can anyone say that a loving, committed relationship that has lasted 48 years us anything ither than a "good example"?
Someone once said, Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly to the bone". so I suppose anyone who canot rejoice with George and Ward has ugliness in the soul!!!
Ninure
Chicago
[Posted on November 1, 2003 at 12:00 am HST]
Congratulations to George and Ward! And kudos to Tanya and the Advertiser for being so clear-sighted and nonjudgemental. Thank you for putting these inspiring role models in the public eye.
(And why does intolerance so often go hand-in-hand with illiteracy in this state?)
Kym & Joe
Honolulu
[Posted on October 31, 2003 at 8:46 pm HST]
What a delight to read about George and Ward as a loving couple! And now their marriage! May it soon be legal and fully recognized in the United States!
Ken Prag & Steve Collins
San Francisco, CA
[Posted on October 31, 2003 at 3:27 pm HST]
Even though I've conversed with Ward for years now, the poetic side was like lifting the veil from a gem. Though I doubt we shall meet in person -- you or he and me -- thanks nonetheless.
Another facet, uncovered. Another glimmer of envy that I'm not George. (Wait, that would mean I'd have to be older. ACK!)
Ah, well.
Suppose we could wrap Mr. Gabbard in magnet wire and ship California some electricty... (Marriage can be such a practical thing. ) Such a shame that some can poo-poo dedication, commitment, and devotion. As though those are dangers to the institution...
Congrats!
And where's my postcard!? ;)
Dionisio Molinero
Columbus, Ohio
[Posted on October 31, 2003 at 2:18 pm HST]
Hopefully, my partner and I will match (and then beat!) your years together! We only have 38 more to go...
Congratulatuions and best wishes! Tim and Victor
Tim Dineen
Strafford, PA
[Posted on October 31, 2003 at 1:59 pm HST]
What a wonderful article, and I appreciate you printing it. I am George Vye's niece, and he will always be one of my best friends and my eternal soul mate. His sexuality is merely a part of who he is, as everyone else's is a part of who they are. I am ecstatic for him that he has had this enduring and endearing relationship!
Robyn R. Vye
Sioux Falls, SD
[Posted on October 31, 2003 at 1:07 pm HST]
Wonderful love story! very inspiring! I hope my marriage last as long(it will be 7 yrs in June. We were married in Hawaii)
I support all marriages!(unless there is abuse, then I fight like crazy to see it end!)
DEBORAH
KANSAS
[Posted on October 31, 2003 at 12:54 pm HST]
I want to thank you for including your thoughts and story on Ward and George. It still amazes me that people cannot just accept others for who they are and what they are able to provide to their families, friends, and society. Both of these men in your article have led lives filled with the love, dignity, and compassion that so many should only hope to acheive. For Ward Stewert to have founded a center and worked towards finding treatments and a possible cure for a disease as HIV/AIDS is commendable. I am quite sure that it was not an easy road to travel during that time, and I thank him. I wish them a retirement filled with the love and caring that they have shown others.
Thank You for opening the eyes of others with your article, and I wish you and your future husband a marriage of love, laughter, and health.
Susan McDermott
Makiki
[Posted on October 31, 2003 at 11:47 am HST]
A great story about a great couple. Mike
Mike Golojuch
Makakilo
[Posted on October 31, 2003 at 11:00 am HST]
We actually know Ward and George, they come to Paris from time to time and we all go out to lunch together. They are such a nice couple that they deserve all the happiness they can get. We ourselves are a straight couple, married 48 years.
So we have old-marrieds get togethers with them.
Donna Evleth
Paris, France
[Posted on October 31, 2003 at 10:46 am HST]
I think its wonderful for the guys all the power to them they know what real LOVE is. I have a male gay friend who is in Love with his partner for life I hope soon they can marry in the great USA.I think its ones business how one wants to live who are those jerks who want to judge gay people,I feel we can't hold a candle to the gay people when it comes to real LOVE........
Marlene
Ontario,Canada
[Posted on October 31, 2003 at 10:29 am HST]
thank you and thank my
brothers for courage and
inspiration in celebrating
their love. having been
lesbian for 45 years i am
enjoying a loving and giving
l0 year relationship full of
the ups and downs of life, and
the awesome floating above the
ground feeling of seeing same
sex love acknowledged with approval in the media.
I hope your marriage gives you
the same feeling.
Berna
berna mings
makaha
[Posted on October 31, 2003 at 10:12 am HST]
Congratulations to you Ward and George. We are better as individuals, and stronger as a society when we are in committed loving relationships. Just living your lives as you have, with dignity and love, may in the end, be your greatest contribution. May you enjoy many more years, filled with good health, prosperity and lots of laughs.
Ron Cannarella
Honolulu
[Posted on October 31, 2003 at 9:59 am HST]
I am a happily-married (for 18 years) heterosexual and would much rather have Ward and George as friends than Kaipo whose intolerance probably extends to many other areas. By the way, someone should tell inform Kaipo how to spell "lemonade."
Ginny Martino
Brooklyn, New York
[Posted on October 31, 2003 at 9:54 am HST]
Congratualtions to George and Ward on their life together. However one of the coments, the one by Kaipo, sounds like he has more than a few pits in his pitcher.
Oscar
New York
[Posted on October 31, 2003 at 9:48 am HST]
In an obviously loving, supporting, and enduring relationship, George and Ward are undoubtedly the best of role models for a marriage that anyone can follow--straight or gay.
I had the honor of George and Ward attended my wedding in Hawai'i. I wish that I had been able to attend theirs and celebrate their lifetime together.
Congratulations Ward and George! It's about time!
Anthony Dalton
Long Beach, California
[Posted on October 31, 2003 at 8:27 am HST]
George and Vye's story is a beautiful example of a lifetime of love and committment. Any couple, straight or gay would be blessed to have what they do. I congratulate them on their marriage, although it is clear that they have been "married" for many years without any government recognition.
For the reader who requires his four children to respect all whom they come into contact with in their lives, I also congratulate him on his 25 years of marriage and committment. No doubt there has been difficult as well as happy times. However, perhaps he, too, should lead by example and respect George and Vye's marriage and all their similar years of tears and joy.
Kristin
Honolulu
[Posted on October 31, 2003 at 5:31 am HST]
To each his own. Congratulations
Jo
Nanakuli
[Posted on October 31, 2003 at 4:05 am HST]
I supppose your job is to present all sides of any story or, controvery in this case. Freedom of speech, press and all these rights in America, is what made this nation number 1. Your printing this adds to the contention that has developed throughout the years on this same sex marriage issue, and will continue. I suppose if you want to develop your readership this much, you should start working for the Star Bulletin, where there is much to say regarding how the customer, as I, will spend my 50 cents daily. The Star Bulletin, or the Advertiser............maybe will go the Star Bulletin, there you have all the "sensationalism" you need for a day.
You quote the theme "patience" as your deed for the day.
For 25 years of marriage to my wife ,I have learned alot of patience, raising 4 sons, seeing them from toddlers to college. My wife and I have had tears of joy and well as pain in raising our family. We have planted seed of love and joy, with no expectation in return, but only require respect of our sons to all whom they come into contact in their lives.
I do not see patience your theme. Your article is requesting tolerance from the reader and in this case the community of Hawaii, and I suppose we need to accept all. Mind you that Hawaiian is the most tolerant state in the union however we voted to keep Same Sex Marriage OUT. So be it. Hawaii has spoken.
I look forward to 40 years of marriage, but I can tell you this: I accept your story and appreciate the object lesson, however the one person once said, "the best way to lead is by example"
A gay life style is not a good example. I have had to make lemon aid also, and it has been fun with my wife.
Kaipo
Honolulu
