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The Honolulu Advertiser

Posted on: Friday, October 31, 2003

Beware of ghosts, goblins, Greenspan

By Ferd Lewis
Advertiser Columnist

With only a matter of hours until trick-or-treat time, it is a good idea to stock up on the goodies because you never know who might show up on your doorstep tonight.

When the door bell rings, it might even be somebody from the world of sports like...

  • June Jones as a Pac-10 football official.
  • Se Ri Pak as Jan Stephenson.
  • Lily Kahumoku as Linda Lingle.
  • Grady Little as Jack McKeon.
  • Pedro Martinez as Don Zimmer.
  • Mack Brown as Bob Stoops.
  • Moises Alou as the Wrigley Field "fan."
  • Randall Simon as a "sausage."
  • Yao Ming as a jockey.
  • Herman Frazier as Alan Greenspan.
  • Lance Samuseva as the Rock of Gibraltar, which is what he's been for the Warriors.
  • Rick Neuheisel as a lie detector operator.
  • Dante Hall as The Phantom.
  • Shaquille O'Neal as Kobe Bryant's lead defense attorney.
  • Natasha Kai as an ATM, because she's always money on hand for UH.
  • The Detroit Tigers as a major league team.
  • Jim Harrick as an NCAA investigator.
  • Konishiki as a gymnast.
  • The Portland Trail Blazers as police officers.
  • The Bowl Championship Series as a charity.
  • Evan Dobelle in a Western Athletic Conference shirt and hat.
  • Donovan McNabb as Rush Limbaugh.
  • Sportscaster Bobby Curran, as president of the Rustin, La., chamber of commerce and visitors bureau.
  • LeBron James as a cash register.
  • Mike Cavanaugh as Drew Carey.
  • Sammy Sosa as a cork.
  • Tony Akpan as a Swiss Army knife, because he has so many uses for the Warriors.
  • Terrell Owens as Oscar Mayer.
  • Mike Piazza and Guillermo Mota as Lennox Lewis and Roy Jones Jr.
  • George Steinbrenner as a bobble-head figure.
  • Annika Sorenstam as Vijay Singh.
  • Norm Chow as a guru.
  • Receiver Britton Komine as a cashier's check, because he always converts for the Warriors.

Reach Ferd Lewis at flewis@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8044.