THE WEDDING PLANNER
Implementing fantasy nuptials not for all brides

Editor's note: It started as a cathartic way to vent, until she mentioned it to her editors. Now Advertiser relationships writer Tanya Bricking is going public with the Wedding Planner, each Friday in Island Life.

Bricking is marrying a military pilot who has deployment orders for Afghanistan, so she's going through whirlwind planning as she rushes toward a November wedding.

Along with the Wedding Planner column, you'll find her web log online at www.honoluluadvertiser.com, with new postings Tuesdays and Fridays.

By Tanya Bricking
Advertiser Staff Writer

•	Tips on starting your planning Check out theknot.com's Hawai'i message board (under the "Cities" link), where local brides tell what they think about specific vendors. The Wedding Café, Manoa Marketplace, second floor, holds free workshops from 7 to 8 p.m. Wednesdays on everything from cakes to hair and makeup. Check the schedule online: theweddingcafe.net.

"I want a small, nice, quiet beach wedding and a simple dress," the Noelani sixth-grader said after stopping for a snack after school at the Wedding Café, a restaurant and wedding vendor gallery in Manoa.

She and fellow 11-year-old Emily Meafua like to look through the café's books and pick out dresses and flowers they like. They talk about what they will someday name their children. Kelsi is leaning toward Kainoa for a boy. Emily likes Azia for a girl.

"I think about picturing myself at the altar," beaming, red-headed Kelsi said in all the excitement of middle-school girl talk. "I just like coming here. We're such girls."

I guess I must have been like that at 11, although I'm not so sure I came programmed with a wedding-planning gene. It's been more like a newfound obsession brought on because my military man has deployment orders for Afghanistan, so we moved our wedding date up — way up — to November. That means we have a little more than two months to work out the details. If only I'd been planning since I was 11.

Even that may not be enough, bride-to-be Crystal Trepte said.

"I thought I had an idea of what I wanted," she said. "When you grow up, it's not as clear, and it's a little bit overwhelming."

Her response upon browsing the same books as Kelsi? Slight frustration: "Oh, maybe I should just start going to the library," she said as her mother looked at pictures of floral arrangements and her fiancé looked for a comfortable chair.

Trepte hired a wedding consultant for her October 2004 date, mostly because she grew up and is going to be married here, but she lives in Massachusetts now and feels daunted by long-distance planning.

Her mom, Sylvia Trepte, of Waialua, knows a thing or two about wedding planning since she helped her older daughter make arrangements for Hawai'i nuptials. This time, she's happy to leave the planning to a professional.

It's easy to see why. I've been to a bridal expo where brides-to-be wear heart-shaped stickers to clearly identify us as a target for shoving brochures from every direction. Between that and going into any bridal shop and overhearing people talk about themes and tablecloth colors and vellum and save-the-date cards, it's enough to make anyone feel daunted.

When someone put a Condé Nast Bride's magazine on my desk at work, I started reading about tips from other women about how to personalize your wedding, such as the Cinderella who used glass slippers as centerpieces and the Snoopy fan who wore giant cartoonish slippers under her gown as she walked down the aisle.

Maybe they had been planning since they were 11 and stuck with their original ideas.

Most brides want someone to give them recommendations about specific people to hire, said Karen Kawaji, who opened the Wedding Café with her husband more than a year ago. She tries to find out what engaged couples want instead of making decisions for them.

The rest of her job comes down to "making the whole process a happy one and not just the day itself." (Maybe I should give her my mom's phone number.)

I thought Kawaji would launch into an elaborate story about fulfilling her lifelong fantasies when she married 8 1/2 years ago. But she had a small, 47-guest affair, and her sister did the flowers.

Somehow that made me feel better.

Fairy-tale frills are fine when you're 11, but I'd rather concentrate on getting to the happily-ever-after part.

Have comments? Send your stories, tips and encouragement to islandlife@honoluluadvertiser.com. We'll post responses online. Reach her at tbricking@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8026.

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