Posted on: Sunday, September 7, 2003

A test to separate true believers, pretenders

By Ferd Lewis
Advertiser Columnist

You know you are a sports fan, but you aren't quite sure if you qualify as an optimist or a pessimist?

Well, you've come to the right place. Forget that is-the-glass-is-half-full, half-empty stuff and take the defining test on the subject: the University of Hawai'i vs. Southern California football exam, which is sure to separate the dreamers from the doomsayers.

• 1. The Trojans were No. 4 in the Associated Press poll this week and will be the highest-ranked team UH has ever played on the road when they meet UH on Saturday. This is:

a) An outstanding opportunity to watch UH make a big national splash on TV.

b) A good day to cut the grass and wash the car.

• 2. After being passed over for the UH head coaching job that went to Fred vonAppen in 1995, Hawai'i-born USC offensive coordinator and former Brigham Young assistant Norm Chow is bound to be:

a) Forgiving, figuring UH has already suffered enough.

b) Mad as heck and looking for revenge.

• 3. Aloha Airlines has confirmed that the pilot of UH's charter flight to Los Angeles is scheduled to be Mike Chow, the brother of USC's Norm Chow. This should be seen as:

a) Good news because rumor has it Mike never liked BYU either and is secretly a Warrior fan.

b) Bad news because he might have them show the USC-Auburn game for the in-flight movie.

• 4. Heisman Trophy candidate Tim Chang makes his first start of the season against a USC defensive line regarded by many as the best in the country. This is an opportunity for Chang to:

a) Pass the Trojans silly and earn some real Heisman Trophy respect.

b) Visit the USC Medical Center and test the limits of the team's medical coverage.

• 5. This will be UH's first chance to see Traveler, the white horse that that has traditionally circled at the Coliseum track when the Trojans score a touchdown. The danger is:

a) Vili, the Warrior mascot, might find another use for that spear.

b) USC plans to give Traveler plenty of exercise after the long off-season.

• 6. UH may be familiar with "Fight On" because:

a) It is one of the most recognized fight songs in all of college football.

b) It is recognized because the band plays it with each USC score and, in their last meeting with UH, the Trojans scored nine times.

• 7. Safety Darnell Bing may draw UH's biggest receiving threat, wide receiver Jeremiah Cockheran. This is:

a) Good news because Bing is only a freshman.

b) Bad news because he was so promising a prospect that Mike Garrett, the school's athletic director and a former Heisman Trophy winner, agreed to unretire his No. 20 jersey just to get Bing to come to USC.

• 8. If Hawai'i State Senator Bob Hogue is on the sidelines at the Coliseum it means:

a) Our legislature wants to show its support for the team.

b) Hogue is a former USC yell leader and our legislators remembers what June Jones said about their poor law-making abilities.

• 9. If the game is tied, how should UH suggest the deadlock be broken?

a) By using another sport as a tie-breaker.

b) Oops, the women's volleyball team swept the Rainbow Wahine in three games last month.

• 10. June Jones and USC coach Pete Carroll know each other well from their NFL days. Who has the edge?

a) UH, because Jones says he won most of their head-to-head meetings.

b) USC, because Carroll is still coaching an NFL team.

You are free to grade your own papers. Give yourself a point each time you answer "A".

If you have eight or more points, you really do believe the NCAA will give UH back its 2002 NCAA men's volleyball title. Two points or less and you might as well wear cardinal and gold for this one.

Reach Ferd Lewis at flewis@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8044.