You'll howl at 'Underworld's' absurdity

By Bill Muller
The Arizona Republic

UNDERWORLD (R) Two and One-Half Stars (Fair-to-Good) "Underworld," a tale of battling vampires and werewolves, shines when the vampires and werewolves are duking it out but unravels when exposition is required. Kate Beckinsale and Scott Speedman star for director Len Wiseman, Sony Pictures, 121 minutes.

It's tasty going down, but in the end, you realize it's just a whole lot of nothing.

The movie's pulpy concept — werewolves and vampires battling in the sewers with automatic weapons — is intriguing, and action fans will delight in seeing Kate Beckinsale ("Serendipity") slink around in black latex, pistols in either hand, flipping and jumping and generally wreaking havoc.

But this is little more than an accomplished B movie. "Underworld" is entertaining in fits and starts, but it's undercut by its nincompoop plot and an obsession — unfortunately prevalent in horror movies these days — with biomedical mumbo jumbo.

Director Len Wiseman earns style points and respect by making the movie on a $20 million budget, but he obviously spent the money on the action sequences, which are (to say the least) inspired or (to the say the most) purloined from "The Matrix" and "Blade."

Wiseman, an artist by trade, gives "Underworld" a distinctly comic-book feel, such as when the heroine shoots her way through a floor to escape the werewolves, or when a vampire battles his growling adversary with twin steel whips.

The same praise can't be given to the acting, which gets fairly spotty after Beckinsale, as vampire huntress Selene, and Bill Nighy ("Still Crazy"), who does a polished Christopher Lee impression as the head vamp.

The plot: Selene and her cohorts are busily hunting werewolves — dubbed the "Lycans" in this pretentious script — when she figures out that the fur-faces are actually trying to capture a human, Michael (Scott Speedman from "Dark Blue").

By the way, the werewolves live underground — hence the movie's title — and the vampires hang out at the supernatural equivalent of the Playboy mansion, complete with models lolling about the lobby.

Convinced the werewolves are up to no good (what werewolves aren't, after all?), Selene disobeys orders from Kraven (Shane Brolly), the vampire equivalent of a middle manager, and decides to track down Michael on her own.

This is inconvenient, because the vampires are planning their big board meeting, in which they rouse a replacement leader and pick new tile colors for the mansion bathrooms.

Undaunted, Selene finds Michael, just before werewolf baddie Lucian (Michael Sheen) is about to sink in his claws. Michael escapes, but his wounds may soon have him howling at the moon, if you get my drift.

"Underworld" shines when the vampires and werewolves are duking it out but unravels when exposition is required. To wit: At one point, Michael rescues Selene from a sinking car, and she later tells someone, "He saved my life."

Um, isn't she a member of the undead?

There's also some shaky technological chitchat, such as when the werewolves invent ammunition that releases light upon impact, frying their vampire rivals. I guess shining a flashlight in their eyes would be a little too easy.

We also learn that the werewolves are busy in the lab, trying to make a better-tasting Alpo or something like that, and Michael holds the key to their plans. Meanwhile, the vampires are tangled up in political intrigue of their own, especially after Selene gives vampire elder Viktor (Nighy) an early wake-up call.

Then again, we just have to hope Beckinsale's character can survive — so she can dodge monsters again in "Van Helsing," due next year.

Rated R for strong violence, gore and profanity.