Despite first-rate stars, 'Secondhand Lions' is third-rate yarn

By Marshall Fine
The (Westchester, N.Y.) Journal News

SECONDHAND LIONS (Two Stars) Fair A predictable and maudlin coming-of-age story, about a teen who spends a summer living with a pair of eccentric bachelor uncles in 1960s Texas. Starring Michael Caine, Robert Duvall, Haley Joel Osment. Directed by Tim McCanlies. New Line Cinema. 107 minutes.

Meant as a family-friendly coming-of-age tale packed with eccentric humor, it exists mostly as a vehicle for star turns by Robert Duvall and Michael Caine (and, second-handedly, Haley Joel Osment). But this vehicle is seriously in need of an engine overhaul.

Make no mistake: Duvall has never taken a false step onscreen, even in the worst of films, and Caine is also a professional of consummate skill. But Caine can't quite wrap his mouth around the Texas accent required in this character, and Duvall's performance keeps exposing the script for the flimsy tissue of contrivances that it is.

Written and directed by Tim McCanlies, "Secondhand Lions" ostensibly is the story of young Walter (Osment), whose self-involved single mother May (Kyra Sedgwick) drops him off one summer in the early 1960s at the remotely rural Texas home of two bachelor great-uncles: Garth (Caine) and Hub (Duvall) McCaan. She's running off to enroll in the Fort Worth School of Court Reporting (or so she says) and believes that a summer with a masculine influence will do Walter a world of good.

Not that she's called ahead to tell them: "Older people just love surprises," she burbles.

She has an ulterior motive, aside from securing free child care. Hub and Garth supposedly have squirreled away a fortune somewhere on their farm, or so legend has it. Neither has an heir so, if Walter makes a good impression, he could find himself in their wills. May even imagines that Walter might find their treasure himself and make off with it.

Instead, Walter spends his summer learning the secrets of life from his two aging, yet active uncles — brothers who while away their time firing shotguns at the traveling salesmen who pull up to their front porch. Those secrets really can be condensed into one simple lesson: Do what you want and ignore what other people might think.

Duvall obviously enjoys playing a more antic role than he's usually given. One assumes that, with a better script, he could be very funny as this cantankerous character.

Caine watches Duvall impassively, his frog-eyed stare looking out from behind a large (and unflattering) pair of glasses and from beneath a large (and unflattering) 10-gallon hat. The idea that Caine and Duvall are brothers is as far-fetched as Caine's Texas accent.

Osment holds his own with these two old pros, but his role is a thankless one. He's forced to react with alternating horror and wonder to everything his uncles do and say — right up to the moment when he figures out how to manipulate them (which is about the same time he realizes how important they are to him — cue the violins).

"Secondhand Lions" is an after-school special with an all-star cast and a Bob Wills soundtrack. There's a lot more corn on the screen than what's growing in the fields.

Rated PG for mild profanity, violence.