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The Honolulu Advertiser

Posted on: Saturday, September 27, 2003

Don't give up your day job, Arnold

By Ellen Goodman

Uh oh, Arnold.

What happened to the "Oprah" strategy? Wasn't that you sitting on Winfrey's sofa a couple of weeks ago talking about family? And weren't you the guy who bragged that he loved to shop for his wife? Weren't you test-driving the newer, softer you to woo women voters all over the left coast?

After all that effort, Arnold, it probably wasn't the best idea to tell Arianna Huffington, "I have a perfect part for you in 'Terminator 4.' " I mean, even those who never saw "Terminator 3" (or 2 or 1) know how you triumphantly dump the little woman, uh, the Terminatrix, into the hopper. We know how you bragged about creating this scene to Entertainment Weekly last July: "How many times do you get away with taking a woman and burying her face in a toilet bowl?"

Now this? Arnold, sweetheart, get yourself rewrite.

Wednesday night, five of the candidates for governor in the great recall fiasco of 2003 appeared together, and it wasn't a scripted affair after all. Instead it became a heated sniping fest, and the main event was the A team: Arnold vs. Arianna.

Arnie, trust me, the last thing you needed in this race was to go mano-a-womano. Not that I'm an apologist for Arianna. A writer has no more claim to office than an actor. In fact, writers — with the possible exception of Vaclav Havel — usually go into politics for the book contract. Columnists, trust me on this, shouldn't be allowed to manage anything more complicated than a word processor.

More to the point, Arianna isn't a shy, retiring flower in need of protection. You spent your youth in Austria lifting weights and becoming Mr. Universe. But Arianna spent hers at Cambridge University becoming president of the debating society. As she said, "I'm not easily intimidated."

But in the A-team action, there was this testy exchange when Arianna said, "Let me finish. Let finish. Let me finish. You know this is completely impolite and" — here's the kicker — "we know this is how you treat women."

OK, Arnie, so it was a cheap shot. Having Arianna complain about being interrupted is like having you complain about getting sand kicked in your face. And if Huffington tried to portray herself as a victim, well, get that girl a parasol and some smelling salts.

Still, she brought up the "W" issue. Her dig revived thoughts about the "woman problem." And then you drove yourself back into the gender gap dumper.

All through this blessedly brief campaign, questions about your attitude toward women have clung inelegantly to your pricey shoes. First there was the interview from the defunct Oui magazine, when the young bodybuilder bragged about group sex.

Yeah, that was 26 years ago. But the report in Premiere magazine that pegged you as a serial groper was within the statute of limitations. And then there were the "toiletries."

I know none of this worried the Republican Women's Caucus, which endorsed your family values. But there were those pesky women with the "Groper for Governor" signs and the "Sexual Misconduct Is Not a Family Value" banners.

I grant you that no superstar of barbells and violent action films was going to have it easy with women in a state where they tend to vote Democratic and have put two women in the Senate. A Los Angeles Times poll showed that while 58 percent of likely male voters view your action figure favorably, only 45 percent of women agree.

But for a while it looked as if you had a good shot at creating a crossover political career to match the crossover entertainment career. I mean, you're the guy who starred in both "Terminator" and "Kindergarten Cop."

For a while I thought it was all going to come together in politics as well. You're the Republican in the Kennedy family, for gawdsakes. Maria Shriver says you're "supportive." Your first promising foray in politics was Prop 49, an initiative to expand state-funded after-school programs. True, Prop 49 wasn't funded, but it was the "Kindergarten Cop" of politics.

But, big guy, you keep tripping when you should be crossing. OK, you're still the front-runner, and you only need a plurality to win this crazy race. But all that hard work to soften the image. It wasn't Arianna who got you this time: You dunnit.

Arnie, Arnie. Did you ever see that movie, "Demolition Man"? Remember when the cop touring L.A. in 2032 is told that there's a Schwarzenegger Presidential Library. Never mind that you were born in Austria. The idea was that you'd become so popular we'd rewritten the Constitution to put you in the Oval Office.

Well, things are not looking good, pal. Never mind finding a role for Arianna in "Terminator 4." Just hang onto to your own job.

Ellen Goodman is a Boston-based writer on modern social issues.