ABOUT WOMEN
Building a better handbag still won't solve the clutter issue

By Christie Wilson
Advertiser Staff Writer

While not exactly a house of worship — unless you kneel at the altar of St. Louis Vuitton — a woman's purse is a dark, private sanctuary that should not be violated, except at airport security checkpoints.

Like a church, a purse can provide relief from your woes, albeit in the form of Tic-tacs, Pamprin and Tums. There are also hidden niches for stashing age-defying cosmetics and receipts for purchases you'd rather no one else knew about.

I recently had a near-religious experience while shopping for a new purse at Macy's. I picked out the sleek, black tote bag before discovering it had a little light that went on when you unzipped it, illuminating the contents.

I could barely contain my joy. I stopped strangers in the store to show them the magical light. "Isn't that neat?"

Surely this was the best purse invention since pockets for cell phones. Now if someone would figure out how to a design a purse with a built-in, insulated cup holder, I'd fall into a state of rapture.

It took me a few days to realize how pathetic my reaction was to the purse light. Did it really take so little to make a modern woman such as myself happy?

I decided that more than being pleased that I could find my reading glasses in the dark, I was delighted that some brilliant, anonymous purse engineer had put a modicum of thought into a feature that actually was helpful.

The people who design things for women often don't seem to know anything about us. Or, the things they design are actually meant for men. Like push-up bras and stiletto heels.

Anyway, I used to own almost as many handbags as shoes, but in the interest of simplifying my life in middle age, I'm pretty much down to basic black and brown, both of the tote variety.

I've also found fanny packs useful for hands-free shopping, but my teenage daughter has threatened to disown me if I wear one in public outside of a swap meet. Definitely not cool.

Besides, who needs another bulge around the midsection?

I like tote bags because they allow me to see the entire contents of my purse at a glance. Of course, that doesn't stop me from reaching in for my wallet in the checkout line and pulling out a child's dirty sock (true story). Now how did that get in there?

That's another reason for not violating the sanctity of a woman's purse: You do not want to know what lies at the bottom of it. Trust me.

In my case, you'll likely find petrified french fries, a Happy Meal toy or sticky li hing mui candy some insolent offspring spit out and decided was better discarded in my purse than the nearest trash can.

Is nothing sacred?

Reach Christie Wilson at cwilson@honoluluadvertiser.com or (808) 244-4880.