KISSES AND MISSES
Don't let boyfriend get in way of plans to get off the rock

By Tanya Bricking Leach
Advertiser Staff Writer

•	He doesn't want to be curt, but must he flirt? Should a guy keep flirting with a girl who flirts back, even if she has a boyfriend? Have your say in our poll online.

The short answer: It's your life. Go where it takes you.

Dear Tanya: I know you get a lot of serious relationship problems, but this is just a simple predicament, and I would not mind hearing someone else's opinion. I am a 21-year-old college student, and my boyfriend is 26 with a full-time job. I should graduate in spring 2006, and my goal since ninth grade was to go to an art institute in California to get my master's degree and live there, because I am burnt out staying on this island. I want to be on my own in what I sometimes consider "The Real World" — aka The Mainland. My boyfriend and I have been going out for about a year and a half, and I plan on staying with him because I know he is a keeper. I tell him my plans all the time, but deep down, I don't think he wants to go. He was born and raised here, and all his family is here, while I was born on the Mainland with all my family there. I try to talk to him about it because I don't want to make him go, but I am definitely not abandoning my dream. I really do not want to leave him, because I know I will regret it. He tells me he wants to go, but he does not elaborate and really discuss it with me. I am just wondering how I can get him to quit dodging the conversation and really tell me how he feels. Knowing that will make all the difference in my planning for one or two people.

You've already figured out the no-brainer part of your predicament: At 21, of course you need to go out in the world and follow your dream — even if he he doesn't go with you. After all, it's your dream, not his.

How do you get him to fess up about his feelings? That's never a sure thing. You could cut this out and hang it somewhere he'll see it. Or you could just be blunt. Tell him you're making plans, and you need to know where he stands.

It is curious, though, why you're in such a hurry to find out. Looks to me as if you still have two years before you'd be moving. A lot can happen in two years, and if your independent spirit is leading you off the rock, a boyfriend shouldn't be what's stopping you.

I'd suggest planning this as a solo endeavor. If you and your guy are meant to be, you still have time to figure out the rest.

Need advice on a topic close to the heart? Write to relationships writer Tanya Bricking Leach at Kisses and Misses, The Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; kissesandmisses@honoluluadvertiser.com; or fax 525-8055.