Make finding your passion a life priority

By Peggy O'Farrell
Cincinnati Enquirer

Defining passion A life passion should meet five criteria, says consultant Love. The passion should be: Anticipated: You look forward to the activity. Absorbing: You lose track of time. Challenging: It's a mental workout, but you enjoy it. Energizing: It leaves you feeling revved up, not drained. Congruent: It gives you "the feeling that this is exactly what I should be doing," Love says. "To excite a relationship, find something that meets that criteria for both partners and go and do it together."

Communication and consideration can preserve passion in a relationship, says Love, the author of "The Truth About Love" (Fireside, $14).

"You have to become a detective. Find out what says 'I love you' to your partner and give that as a gift," she says.

For some people, moonlight and roses count as a romantic gesture. For others, it's when their partner takes out the trash or folds the laundry. Making your love last means taking responsibility for "the care and feeding of the relationship," Love says. "The real question is, what's best for the relationship? Not what do I want or what does she want?"

Keeping passion about a job can help keep a relationship. Partners' interests outside the relationship can maintain the spark, Ruffner says. Someone with a zest for life is more attractive than someone completely disengaged.

Finding passion, in romance or elsewhere, is important. But it shouldn't become an obsession, says Dr. Caleb Adler, a psychiatrist with the University of Cincinnati.

"It's a lot like dating," Adler says. "You spend a lot of time waiting to meet 'the one.' You might be lucky, but you might reject a lot of people because they don't seem to be 'the one.' It's better to just find something you enjoy and pursue it. Often those things develop into your passion. And if they don't, keep yourself open and look for new things."