ABOUT WOMEN
Friendships wonderful when sex thing doesn't get in way

Editor's note: Christine Strobel has joined our rotation of About Women columnists. Now a design and copy editor for The Advertiser, this is her first installment.

By Christine Strobel
Advertiser Staff Writer

My best friend is a man. The bulk of my college buddies are men. My partner in crime here in the Islands was a man. (And still is a man — it's just that he moved to the Mainland, so I'm relatively crimeless now.)

The argument goes that men and women can't truly be friends because the sex thing always gets in the way.

I think you just need to know how to dance around it. And swallow your pride as needed.

I've had to do both.

I struck an agreement with one hiking buddy who insisted it would be fine if we never hooked up, as long as if we happened to get caught in a rainstorm while hiking we'd suspend reason and let the eroticism of the moment take over.

I lived in Los Angeles at the time: a desert. I figured the odds were slim, so ... you're on, Lothario!

Another confessed a crush on me when I was otherwise involved, so I had the easy escape.

Then there was the rooftop party where everyone disappeared downstairs, leaving me and another male friend on a throwaway love seat overlooking the city lights and an icy moon. Remarkably, I had just run out of beer and offered to grab one for him after he grabbed for me.

I actually handled these situations with a great deal more delicacy, following up with damage control, because these were good friends and I cared about their feelings. Plus, we had years of camping, clubbing, Vegas trips and breaking into random condominium complexes to catch quick nude hot tubs ahead of us. I didn't want us to miss out on good times because of frayed egos.

Fortunately, these guys decided my friendship was worth getting over the relationship impulse.

It was the same with me when I was in their shoes.

I had a big crush (fluttering heartbeat and all) on a new introduction to our football tailgating gang: quite possibly, in my view at the time, the Sexiest Man Alive.

But he couldn't have been less interested in all the game I was throwing his way. So I stopped throwing it. Once I did, we became friends. Good friends: running buddies, road trips, he met the family.

At first I had to listen to that inner voice reminding me he wasn't interested. When he smiled at me, it wasn't that kind of smile. And with the passing of time, I stopped thinking about him that way. We behaved our way into a real friendship.

He stayed with me last September while he was here to do the Waikiki Roughwater Swim, and I was amazed, even as I was spraying his Speedo-ed body with 45 SPF, that I wasn't attracted to him anymore.

I'm guessing that's how it was with my male friends who once felt differently about me.

The Sexiest Man Alive once told me that the hardest thing to find in a woman is true chemistry, where you're firing on all pistons: physical, intellectual, emotional, lifestyle.

I believe that, too.

So it's incumbent on us not to take it personally when the craps shoot gives us a seven out. Chemistry isn't within our control. But friendship is.

Put down the chips and see what the next roll brings. Even if it's not the love of a lifetime, a great friend is a good deal.

Reach Christine Strobel at 535-2428 or cstrobel@honoluluadvertiser.com.