Posted on: Monday, August 2, 2004

AT WORK
Men learning to cultivate 'soft skills' on the job

By Carol Kleiman
Chicago Tribune

Metrosexual.

That's the buzzword, engendered by the popular TV show "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," for a straight urban man who has become increasingly interested in appearance, grooming, home furnishings, the arts and food.

In other words, a man who pays more attention to his "softer" or "feminine" side.

And this cultural phenomenon for men is "moving into the workplace at a rather fast rate," according to Nancy Halpern, senior vice president of The Strickland Group, an executive coaching organization based in New York that focuses on executive development.

Halpern, who has an MBA and has been in her profession since 1996, says the reason for the trend is — you've guessed it — the huge numbers of employed women.

"The impact of women in the workplace has had an enormous effect on how men are expected to behave as leaders," said the executive, who first noticed the change and the advent of metrosexuals in 2002.

"I have clients who say to me that not so long ago if a male executive made the numbers, everyone was happy. But not now.

"Now, it's 50 percent numbers and 50 percent behavior."

And that behavior, says Halpern, means being a metrosexual, which includes "fabulous communication skills, how they dress, their haircut and posture; if they are kinder and gentler, are consensus builders and have good emotional intelligence — traits traditionally associated with women. The kind of drive to get the result no matter what it takes no longer is acceptable if it translates into abusive behavior."

The executive career coach was so struck by the popular culture success of the metrosexual that she wondered how it translated to the workplace.

As a result, she recently wrote an in-house paper for The Strickland Group that is titled "The Feminization of Men."

It discusses how the attributes that used to be called "soft skills" are now necessary for a man's success as a leader — and the importance of being a metrosexual to succeed.

"A senior executive in financial services was known for being a bull in a china shop," said Halpern. "He thought his behavior was OK because his productivity was so high, but his boss said it was unacceptable and his staff thought he was overly aggressive. Talented people who are subjected to tyrannical bosses say, 'I won't put up with this. I have a life."'

Since retention also is important to businesses, his bosses sent him to Halpern for coaching. "He learned to modify his behavior, to be more measured in how he speaks, to ask more questions and to listen to answers," she said.

"And he got promoted, where before they were talking about letting him go," she said.

He had learned "it's OK to admit you don't know everything, to see how much more successful you can be by using so-called 'softer' skills, ones usually associated with women," she said.

He had become a metrosexual.

And that reaction to life in the workplace strongly is influenced by the presence of women in increasing numbers, the coach believes — and also by anti-discrimination laws and employee demand for work/life balance.

If being a metrosexual — being a kind, caring and inclusive executive — is becoming so important for men, why doesn't it also benefit the people who invented those traits, women? Why is the glass ceiling still so firmly in place? Why are so few women on the "glass elevator" that propels men to the top?

"Because women not only are a minority, but they also get conflicting advice," said Halpern. "For 20 years, they've been told to be more like men — and clearly that doesn't work."

Though the arrival of metrosexuals in the workplace suggests that adapting female traits may pay off for men, women's struggle to obtain equality will take much longer, she observes.

"It's extraordinary, but progress (for employed women) is happening very slowly, bit by bit," said Halpern.

But it's much faster for metrosexuals.