KISSES AND MISSES
Things got rocky since his divorce
By Tanya Bricking Leach
Advertiser Staff Writer
Dear Tanya: I've been dating my boyfriend for two years, and we have a baby together.
When our relationship began, he was unhappily married. So he filed for divorce, and now it's final.
Our relationship was great, physically and emotionally, prior to his divorce. Now that we live together, our things have changed a lot. I really thought our relationship would grow stronger without interference, but it did not.
Some of the arguments we have are about the same subject, which is that I can't understand why his ex is still living with his parents. He tells me she has nowhere else to go, and he's looking out for her because they have a child together.
Do you think we started this relationship the wrong way? I am wrong for questioning why his ex is still living at his parents' home? Do I just let it go and deal with it? Is it worth holding on to this relationship? What should I do?
— SECOND THOUGHTS
Gee, I wonder if this ex would have had a home if you hadn't wrecked the one she was in? (Couldn't resist that one ... )
A reader wants to know: What’s so wrong with a guy taking nude pictures of his girlfriend? Think he’s a playah? Have your say in our online poll.
Yours is a cautionary tale: If you go messing around with married men, this is what can happen.
Shutter speed
You are not solely to blame in this little soap opera, but you do come off sounding like a selfish mistress who couldn't care less if the mother of your lover's firstborn ended up on the street.
If you were expecting approval, sorry, I just can't tell you the way you got into this was all hunky-dory.
But it happens. People get involved all the time with people whose marriages are falling apart and expect that it won't happen to them next.
It doesn't make you a bad person. It just complicates your life.
Telling you whether you started the relationship the right way really is beside the point. You can't change that.
You can only change what happens next.
I suggest working on your relationship with your boyfriend instead of giving up on it. Couples' counseling wouldn't hurt.
You also might want to think about developing a little empathy for your boyfriend's ex-wife and their child. Even if you don't think they should be living with your boyfriend's parents, think of it as a temporary situation for another family whose lives have been interrupted by your own brand of "interference."
Need advice on a topic close to the heart? Write to relationships writer Tanya Bricking Leach at: Kisses and Misses, The Honolulu Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; or kissesandmisses@honoluluadvertiser.com.
