Parent advised to call teacher first

By Tracey Wong Briggs
USA Today

Starting a dialogue with teachers early in a child's education and continuing it during critical middle and high school years can go a long way toward keeping small concerns from becoming big problems.

"The least effective parent-teacher contact is the frustrated, angry, hostile one," said Malinda Burke, an instructional specialist and former middle school teacher in Brandon, Miss.

"Parents, teachers and students are real people with real protective mechanisms, and hostile encounters block trust. Nothing gets accomplished for the good of the student," she said.

Jerry Robertson learned that early. The single parent of two burst into tears when a principal told him teachers thought that by continually delivering his younger son's forgotten lunchbox, he was spoiling the child, who had attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.

That was about 20 years ago. But Robertson remembers how it felt to know the teachers didn't understand how hectic his family's mornings were, and to hear it second hand.

"I would have preferred the teachers, instead of saying to me, 'You're spoiling your child,' (to say), 'What can you do to help prepare your child for school?' It took a long time for me to rebuild that foundation of trust."

Robertson remarried and got a teaching degree years later. One day he was called to the principal's office, where an upset parent relayed her concerns through the principal without looking at Robertson directly.

"I turned and looked at her and said, 'There are students in class who are behavior problems, but nothing is directed toward your daughter,'" said Robertson, who teaches learning disabled students at Forest Acres Elementary School in Easley, S.C. "We built a working relationship in that one meeting right there. After that, she called me directly."

Robertson, who starts a two-year term this fall as teacher-in-residence with the Center for Educator Recruitment, Retention & Advancement (CERRA-South Carolina), knows from both sides how emotional parent-teacher interaction can be.

"Before I became a teacher, I did not understand that sometimes children take things out of context. Instead of going to the teacher ... I would go to the principal. I definitely think the teacher should be the first person the parent should make contact with," Robertson said.

"Teachers are obviously in the classroom because they want to make a difference, and teachers are receptive to making positive relationships with parents. We should never assume the worst until we've had a chance to have a discussion about it."

Robertson and several other members of the All-USA Teacher Team, USA Today's recognition program for outstanding teachers, believe it is crucial for parents build and maintain a relationship with teachers from the start of the school year.

"Frequently parents wait until they receive the first report card to get involved. That's too late," said Burke. "The critical time to be involved is at the beginning, before the pattern (for poor grades) is set."

Parents should go to open houses and parent nights, if possible, to hear general plans for the year and get a better understanding of expectations, said Carol Antes, a third-grade teacher for 34 years and an instructional coach based at Downes Elementary in Newark, Del. It's also a good idea for parents to talk to the teacher privately early in the year, before the first scheduled conference, Antes said.

The same applies as children get older.

Burke thinks it's important to attend everything from open houses to sporting events to class plays in middle and high school. "Even if your child is not involved, find time to take your child, because (being) involved comes in many forms — most often support," she said.

"Most parents get off to a good start with their elementary age children, but drop out as kids move to middle and high school.

"That is exactly when parents need to be present."