ABOUT MEN

By Michael Tsai
Advertiser Staff Writer

To paraphrase Billy Seluga's old Raymond J. Johnson Jr. character: You can call me Mike, or you can call me Michael (Lord knows readers of this column have called me a lot worse), but ya don'ts haves to calls me ...

Stephen.

As in Stephen Tsai, award-winning sports writer, unofficial mayor of UH-ville, and arguably the most famous Tsai — in Hawai'i at least — this side of Ming.

As in my big brother.

I'm guessing, despite the similarity of their names, that our older sister Stephanie (the former KPOI disc jockey) has never been called Stephen by accident. Me, it happens a few times a week.

Family, friends, casual acquaintances, teachers, co-workers, editors, PR people, interview subjects — though, unfortunately, not the IRS — have all ID'ed me as "Steve."

Growing up, our mother used to call me by the vaguely Middle Eastern-sounding "Steve-uh-Steph-er-Mich-ael."

You'll forgive my whining, but kid brothers, even we of the spoiled-youngest-child variety, have a built-in complex about our older sibs.

And who could blame us? Australian researcher Michael Gross once surveyed hundreds of older and younger siblings and concluded that the older ones were more successful.

To be sure, there is baggage that comes with having a successful older sibling.

In the political world, "younger brother" is almost synonymous with "screw-up." Remember when Billy (Beer) Carter sobered up long enough to accept a $200,000 loan from Libya? Or when Roger Clinton (who played "Mayor Bubba" in the film "Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings") was investigated for supposedly trying to broker presidential pardons for convicted drug offenders — this after he himself was pardoned from a cocaine conviction?

Let's not even get into Neil Bush, who admitted in a divorce deposition to sleeping with several unknown women who showed up at his door during trips to Asia.

Perhaps part of my insecurity lies in the fact that it's difficult to succeed without people questioning how much help you got along the way from Big Bro.

Think Eddie Bird got a try-out with the Boston Celtics without a little juice from Larry? Think musician Frank Stallone would have recorded songs for seven major motion pictures if Sly weren't acting in or directing, oh, all of them?

None of this should detract from the fact that I'm proud to be my brother's brother. You could hardly ask for a better role model, one who sacrificed so much of his own childhood to fill the void left by the death of our dad and who taught me everything I needed to know about kindness and decency.

I know that some readers may be put off by this column, that I may have done some of my fellow kid brothers a disservice. As always, I welcome your criticism, so give me a call.

Just ask for Stephen.

Reach Michael Tsai at mtsai@honoluluadvertiser.com or 535-2461.