KISSES AND MISSES
How long will she fool herself?
By Tanya Bricking Leach
Advertiser Staff Writer
Dear Tanya: I have been spending time with a 22-year-old man for the past three months. I met him and right away, I started sleeping with him. I found out he is married and has four children.
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I am 54 and have been separated from my husband for the past 16 years.
Call or not?
Since I met this (younger) man, my life has changed drastically. I found out I was in a rut and have since been refocusing myself by exercising and watching what I eat. I am happy and really grateful for the attention I have been receiving from this man. He is kind, sincere and considerate.
However, my problem is that I want more of him. I know that this is not meant to last. I know that he needs to focus on his family. I know the age difference.
Yet, my emotions are overwhelming. When I try to talk to him about ending the relationship, he tells me he wants to keep seeing me. He says he is lonely.
Should I keep spending time with him? Should I give him an ultimatum to stay or go? I know I need to move on and break it off with him, yet I feel powerless when I'm around him. What should I do?
— WISHFUL THINKING
If your wonder boy was so "kind, sincere and considerate," he wouldn't be cheating on his wife and setting such a poor example for his four children.
Don't kid yourself. You see where this relationship is heading — nowhere.
Why prolong it? How much joy can you get out of wanting more of something you can't have?
After a while, that whole game gets old.
So you had your fling with a 22-year-old. Maybe the sex was fabulous. But now what?
He sounds like a kid having problems becoming a family man.
And you aren't helping.
Imagine yourself giving him an ultimatum of staying or going. My guess is you're right: This relationship was not meant to last.
But imagine he did choose to leave his wife and stay with you, and you addressed whatever issues you have with your husband (a relationship still unresolved after 16 years of separation); would you be ready to be a stepmother to his four young children? Would it be worth all the hurt you'd cause others?
Don't make yourself out to be powerless at the mere sight of him. Take some control over your life. Try being the wiser one in this situation and do the right thing: Break it off, just like you said you know you need to.
Need advice on a topic close to the heart? Write to relationships writer Tanya Bricking Leach at Kisses and Misses, The Honolulu Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; or e-mail kissesandmisses@honoluluadvertiser.com.
