Posted on: Friday, August 27, 2004
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KISSES AND MISSES
Don't fret: First kiss will happen
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By Tanya Bricking Leach
Advertiser Relationships Writer
Hi, Tanya: I'm a 21-year-old college student and have never had a boyfriend. I've never dated, never been kissed, never even held a guy's hand. A couple of my very close guy friends have liked me, but I never thought of them as anything more than friends. People always tell me that I'm really smart, and that I am a sweet girl; they say the reason I don't have a boyfriend is because I intimidate guys. I really don't think that is true.
I'm not desperate to have a boyfriend. I have a lot to do with work and school, but I would like one. My perpetual singleness has been bothering me more than usual over that past six months.
Can you help me understand all this, why I don't have a boyfriend? Is there anything strange about not having dated by this age?
— NEVER BEEN KISSED
Well, at 21, you're not exactly an old maid, so I wouldn't worry too much about being behind on the dating curve.
A man works for a charitable organization and had an affair with his supervisor. His ex wants to know if the whole situation should keep her from donating to the charity. Vote in our online poll. Most likely, though, it's just that available guys don't even know you exist.
That doesn't make you strange, it just leaves you feeling invisible.
So do something about it.
Dates won't just come knocking at your door if you're locked up in your comfort zone.
Put yourself out there.
If I were a therapist, I'd tell you to work on your self-confidence, and eventually you'd be brave enough to risk dating and the chance that you'll get hurt. (Because, believe me, dating can hurt.)
But guess what? I'm not a therapist. I'm just someone who knows that dating doesn't happen if you don't give it a chance. Same goes for first kisses.
The key is not to obsess over it. Just give people a chance to get to know you, and sooner or later, things will click with someone.
There are things that will improve your odds: Namely speaking up and forming friendships instead of waiting for life to happen to you.
Sometimes in life, you've got to introduce yourself instead of waiting for someone to announce your arrival.
The good news is you have plenty of time to catch up on this rite of passage. College is the perfect time to experiment with the singles scene, even if you kiss a few frogs along the way.
Need advice on a topic close to the heart? Write to relationships writer Tanya Bricking Leach at Kisses and Misses, The Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; or e-mail kissesandmisses@honoluluadvertiser.com.
What could explain all of this? Could be anything from being shy, sheltered or socially awkward to looking unattractive or having personal hygiene problems.
Aid this cause?
