FAMILY MATTERS
The greatest vacation escape leads you back to yourself

By Michael Matteos

There are two types of vacations: the 'ohana vacation, which is spent visiting loved ones not seen since the days of youth; and the "great escape."

The latter is, as its name implies, designed to break us free of work, school, locale and, yes, even family and friends.

In our household, the 'ohana vacation is typically short, no more than a week, with time allotted for each of the many branches of the family tree. The 'ohana vacation is all about barbecues and the backyard pa'ina.

Great escapes are a different matter altogether. Designed with the sole purpose of breaking free of the daily grind, great escapes are about adventure, intrigue and the promise lying just beyond the horizon.

Normally mutually exclusive, the 'ohana and great-escape varieties of vacations sometimes merge into one, forming what I believe may be the perfect vacation.

This was the case for my family this summer.

Now living in Baltimore, my brother had the audacity to schedule his wedding right when we would be traveling abroad. Still, I knew that there was little choice; we had to go. It was his wedding, after all, and he is my brother. So we hopped a plane and headed to Charm City.

We had a wonderful time. I know that few people think of Baltimore when considering a vacation destination; let's face it, Baltimore lacks both the sex appeal and the star power of more popular tourist destinations such as New York, Miami Beach, Los Angeles or even Las Vegas. But that may be what makes this city by the bay (Chesapeake, that is) so special — it comes in under the radar, much like my other favorite city by the bay, Hilo.

My new sister-in-law was a phenomenal host, taxiing us around the city just days before her wedding. Having visited Hawai'i and experienced the passion and love that we hold for our Island home, she in turn was excited to share her home with us.

We caught some of the tourist spots, but most of our time was spent with our new extended family, visiting the haunts that help define the Baltimorean life. We drove back roads to hidden restaurants and sights not found on tourist maps. We caught fireflies at dusk and barbecued out on the patio. We met the neighbors and walked the dog. After catching an Orioles game at Camden Yards, we became honorary Baltimoreans.

"Local" is a very special word here in Hawai'i, one that is not given out freely, but must be earned over time as one becomes part of the fabric that is our Island home.

Still, we are not the only "locals" to be found on this big, blue marble. My sister-in-law is not from Hawai'i, but she is local — a local Baltimorean who is proud of her home.

While not under any illusions, she knows what is best about her home, and for a few weeks this summer, she shared it with me.

Had I been your typical tourist, I would have missed all that really mattered about the city. More importantly, I would have missed all that really mattered to my new sister, and that would have been a shame.

Sometimes we run to family, while at other times we run from family. On rare occasions, our escape from the known leads back in on itself and we discover more about ourselves than we ever imagined or even intended.

If you are smart, you hold that memory close to your bosom.

And if you are lucky, you just may find that home is not only a place on a map, but also a place in your heart.

Family therapist Michael C. DeMattos has a master's degree in social work.