Posted on: Saturday, December 4, 2004

EXPRESSIONS OF FAITH

By Rev. James Rude

Apparently I dropped a real bombshell in a discussion back in 1998 at a retreat house at Taizé, France, when I said that forgiveness must be a constitutive element of our Christian life. Not "Say you're sorry and I'll forgive you," but rather, "I forgive you; now, why don't you say you're sorry."

Of the 15 people in the group, four simply got up and walked out, but the others continued the discussion long after the time was over. I later apologized to one of the group, but he answered that it had been the best discussion he had experienced during his eight years at Taizé!

Forgiveness should not be drawn as a reaction from the person who caused the hurt; it should be a "proaction" on the part of the person hurt. Why should I carry the burden of your thoughtlessness? Why should I want to suffer because you are evil? I should want to be free, to move on, not to carry your nonsense on my shoulders, but to soar high and hope that you would even soar high with me.

Any death is difficult, with all the grief and loss that is involved, and violent death is even worse. Some years ago, two friends of mine were murdered. At the funeral of one, the priest reminded the standing-room-only crowd that those who kept the slightest degree of revenge in their hearts were denying everything that their friend stood for. Some months later, I asked a son of the victim how the trial was going, and he answered simply, "I don't know. We don't follow the trial. We've forgiven them a long time ago."

In the other case, the family asked me to be present at the opening of the trial. I had to leave after about an hour because I could not breathe for all the hatred I felt in that courtroom! They had forgotten that forgiveness must be a constitutive element of our Christian life. And besides, for their own sakes, why should they carry all that hatred? Yes, there is grief that seems unbearable. But it isn't. One has to move on. There is so much more to live for, there is joy to experience and love. Why experience only death?

I read of a judge who sentenced a criminal to death and then added that he wished he could sentence the man to hell. Whatever the man had done, the crime of the judge was even worse! There can be no comparison between death and that death that goes on forever.

Look at the parable of the Prodigal Son, or as I prefer to call it, the Prodigal Father. The son came home because he was hungry, not because he was sorry. He had taken the old man once, he could do it again. But the old man didn't care about motives. He pulled his son up off his knees, saying, "Yeh, yeh, get up, my son. I'm going to give you a party. For you were dead and now you're alive again." That's all that mattered. It was a part of his being a father: Forgiveness was a constitutive element of his life.

Look at Jesus on the cross: "Father, forgive them." He did not wait for his executioners and his disappearing disciples and Judas to apologize before he forgave them. He forgave because it was part of his being.

We must forgive because this Christ is present to us, as St. Paul said. It's not "What would Jesus do in this situation?" but "What will Jesus do in this situation?" Jesus labors through our actions, if we let him.

Look at the Lord's Prayer: "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." We should forgive, because our God has forgiven. God loved us sinners when we were sinners, probably not despite the fact that we were sinners, but because of the fact that we were sinners. Personally, I'm tickled pink that God didn't wait for our apologies before God sent his son to free us from our sins.

The Rev. James Rude is associate pastor of the Catholic Campus Ministry at the University of Hawai'i. He writes about Jesuits on www.newmanhawaii.org. Expressions of Faith is a column that welcomes written works from pastors, priests, lay workers and other leaders in faith and spirituality. E-mail faith@honoluluadvertiser.com or call 525-8035. Articles submitted to The Advertiser may be published or distributed in print, electronic or other forms.