Rowley, a fashion designer turned lifestyle adviser who co-authored with Ilene Rosenzweig three books on how to live "the good life," including last year's "Swell Holiday" (Atria Books, $16), is hardly talking about fastidiously coordinated motifs.

Like the breezy urban manuals she writes for today's super-busy sophisticates, who are trying to add panache to their lives without becoming overwhelmed by the process, she offers up advice in shorthand:

A theme takes supreme position in Rowley's party planning.

Find something to peg the party on, she suggests, but keep it casual and keep it loose.

"It's too easy to let the festivities become stresstivities," she says. But bottom line, "You have to do something to keep people from just sitting around looking at each other."

She has so many ideas on how to do this, and has so often used her pals as guinea pigs, that her friends have dubbed her "the queen of theme."

All the experimenting has also inspired another manual to be released this spring: "The Swell Dressed Party," an A-to-Z primer on everything you need to know when you entertain.

(Fashion designer Rowley knows about being well-dressed. Her clothes are sold in major stores and in her boutique in Chicago on Armitage Avenue.) Like her other books, the basic message is the same: maintain joie de vivre and irreverence at your party.

• Don't overdo it

Never overdo a theme. "That's why I never want to ask people to dress in a very specific way. It's too much work," explains Rowley.

For a different snack, serve five different kinds of popcorn in elegant bowls. Just one unexpected element makes a party special.

Plan an activity so you're not sitting around looking at each other.

"I've had a goofy talent show on New Year's Eve with people doing cheers from their high school days," Rowley says.

• The bar

Keep a "party closet" or some storage space stocked so you're always ready to go. Rowley keeps all her liquor, drink mixes, disposable glasses, cocktail napkins, fun snack foods in one spot so she can invite people back to her place for drinks at a moment's notice. "You should know where everything is," she says.

• The table

Dishes should be attractive, but you don't have to use fine china. Disposables are fine if they are pretty, but Rowley prefers to mix and match the bold-patterned or brightly hued plastic or melamine dishes found at mass merchandisers. Another way to go for the holidays: an all-white table.

• The gift

Guests should opt for unusual host gifts. Bring a cool bucket filled with cleaning supplies, then stay to help clean up; a funky new CD to play during the night; or use a Polaroid camera and leave a stack of pictures for the host at the end of the night.

You need a system

At 31, Lara Shriftman is already a major player when it comes to throwing fabulous parties, thanks to her experience running Harrison & Shriftman, the public relations firm she built with partner Elizabeth Harrison.

Their new book, "Fete Accompli!" (Clarkson Potter, $24.50), divulges the duo's secrets, from their planning checklists to their quirky, creative and usually easy ideas for keeping things fun. "Sure, we're doing glitzy events for celebrities, but it takes a system that can be applied to any party. We're organized, realistic and creative," says Shriftman. For these young women, success is in the details.

• Theme it

Keep it clever but easy. A leather-and-lace theme lets guests dress up or down; a high-roller party lets you stage fun games.

Take a silly or sappy theme to its kitschy extreme. For her own 29th birthday party, Shriftman did a Barbie party with pink martinis, cocktail candies, paper plates and napkins, dolls displayed everywhere, pink helium-filled balloons.

Go ethnic in an interesting way. Re-create a Marrakech Express party with Middle Eastern music, belly dancers and Oriental rugs to sit on, oversized hookah pipes as decoration, woven baskets and copper flower pots. Finger food to start: pita points with hummus and tabbouleh.

"Enlist a friend to be the 'subhost,' the person who ... gets the shy (people) out of their shells, copes with the faux pas," Shriftman suggests.

A full moon or a new album release of your favorite singer or band can be the reason for getting together. Choose any occasion but be clever.

• Make an impression

A party begins with the invitation. Make an impression by abandoning paper and having invitations printed on nylon, leather, Spandex, Plexiglas, Lucite or on a cocktail napkin.

If you're more traditional, use thick quality paper in 4-by-6-inch or 5-by-7-inch size and use all capital letters with the words perfectly centered. For the classic look, envelopes should always match.

Do one thing that's memorable or quirky to wow your guests at each event.

It could be serving champagne and caviar with ice cream sandwiches and Hostess Twinkies, having hot pizza arrive every half-hour or having an extravagant dish from someplace special.

Have good potables, be they beer, wine or hard stuff.

Always include a signature drink that you make ahead of time, keep in pitchers and serve stylishly, as in martini glasses dipped in powdered candy or flavored drinks paired with matching hard candies.

If liquor mystifies you, opt for drink mixes.

Shriftman likes Rose's new Cocktail Infusions in different colors and flavors.

Switch out your harsh light bulbs in lamps for soft, peachy hues (Phillips Softone Pastels, for example).

Place olive oil flavored with a few drops of balsamic vinegar in pretty bowls and put them on the table for guests to dip their bread in.

• Party sounds

For late cocktails: Billy Bob Thornton plays Tom Waits.

The best funk: Duran Duran's John Taylor plays James Brown.

For early cocktails: Sean Combs plays John Coltrane.

Serving up a spectacle

In floral and event design, Bailey is a couturier to the stars. He has designed and produced parties for Oprah, Matt Lauer, Laurence Fishburne, Liza Minnelli, Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones and has a best-selling book, "Design for Entertaining" (Bullfinch Press, $45), that is in its third printing.

He suggests you do something that's out of character, like turning out all the lights and using only candles.

And add drama: For one of Bailey's clients, gardenias arranged in tiny vases next to the place cards greeted guests. On a smaller scale at home, flood your place with flowers to replicate the drama.

• Break the rules

Bailey used to worry about the guest list and tried to invite people who had something in common. But he's found the opposite to be effective, and he doesn't worry about "the rules."

"Now I throw everyone together and see what happens. When people are disparate or disagree, it makes things more exciting."

Invite your best friends and tell them to bring their closest friend that you haven't met but have heard about for years.

Cooking is out of the question for this iconoclast.

"I do a lot of things, but I don't cook. So I resort to the oldest trick ever — I have a party and tell everyone to bring a certain dish, then I create the setting."

• Color reigns

"I was just at a party where everything was orange. There was a fresh juice bar with different orange drinks, (the host) draped all his furniture in gauzy orange fabric, everyone wore something orange and most of the dishes were orange," Bailey reports.