Be happy, and don't let holiday stress snowball
By Jason Hidalgo
Reno Gazette-Journal
Happy holidays.
Merry Christmas.
Happy New Year.
Like politicians stubbornly sticking to their talking points, fuzzy, unbridled joy appears to be the theme for the masterminds who concocted these phrases for the holiday season.
• Discuss holiday plans in advance. Let kids participate in decisions. Kids need some degree of predictability. Prolonged uncertainty, constantly changing plans or last-minute decisions can all increase stress. • If you're traveling, leave plenty of extra time and bring snacks, books, games or music. • Don't overschedule. You may not be able to do everything or see everyone. Kids can easily get "burned out," tired and cranky during the holidays. • Give kids some down time. Don't expect them to be "on" all the time. Leave room for some quiet activities, like listening to music, walking in the woods or reading a book. • Make sure kids get plenty of sleep. Although it may be exciting to stay up late, lack of sleep often leads to increased irritability. • Let kids be honest about their feelings. Don't force them to act happy and excited if they're feeling quiet or down. • Don't promise things you can't produce. For example, don't promise a parent will be home in time for the holidays if the decision is really out of your control. Don't promise someone will call if they're in an area with limited phone service. • Uphold and maintain family traditions even if a parent is absent. Kids count on certain traditions. They can have an important grounding effect by letting kids know that even though some things have changed, other things have remained the same. • Don't try to compensate for an absent parent with extra gifts. What most kids want is attention and reassurance. • Take care of yourself. Try to avoid being overloaded with obligations. If you feel stressed, it increases the pressure and tension on your children. Source: American Psychiatric Association
Yet many people end up miserable during a time of year.
TIPS ON DE-STRESSING YOUR HOLIDAYS
"We see an increase in depression and anxiety coming up into the holidays, going through them or sometimes even after the holidays as a secondary reaction," said Laurie Drucker, a Reno psychologist. "Probably all of us experience additional stress during the holidays."
Yes, you're a mean one, holiday stress. For its frazzled victims, this nasty Grinch can arise from increased demands on their time, efforts and wallets.
Often, people become the victims of their own raised expectations, said Mary Levy, a Reno mother of two and executive director of a Montessori School.
"I think that when you're a parent and you've got the holidays coming up and you have kids going to school and they have after-school activities — the holidays become quite a scheduling nightmare," Levy said. "Society tells us you have to do it all to feel successful. That's the biggest challenge of all."
Great expectations
Between demands from work and their personal lives, many Americans already have a full plate on any given day. The number of people working more than 49 hours a week increased by more than 3 million for men and more than 2 million for women from 1985 to 1993, according to the federal Bureau of Labor Statistics.
Throw in the holidays, and that plate can overflow.
"There are more demands on our times and schedules (during the holidays)," Drucker said. "Often people travel to visit relatives. Certainly there are more financial demands. You have parties and events that you need to plan.
"And we have more expectations that we set for ourselves. We want the holidays to be particularly good this year and maybe not want a repeat of what happened last year."
For some, those expectations include presents to family and friends — presents that have to either be just as good or better than what they got from them. Others feel that not giving their kids nice presents or that grand Christmas experience makes them look like bad parents.
For Levy, the material aspects of the holidays are the antithesis of what this time of year should be about.
"I think there is a consumer portion to the holidays that's really driven by what's out there ... and that makes it pretty bleak," Levy said. "We're just out buying and consuming without purpose and going through the motions."
Unfortunately, those great holiday expectations can snowball into big problems. In addition to depression and anxiety, ramifications include irritability, lack of sleep, overeating and drinking, Drucker said. Too much stress can also trigger serious illnesses, including heart disease, according to some experts.
Some people are especially susceptible to the effects of holiday stress. These include people who have suffered financial losses or have a history of mood disorders and substance abuse, Drucker said. People who recently have undergone major family changes such as the death of a loved one or a divorce are also vulnerable, she said.
"More families are dealing with issues around divorce and two homes," Drucker said. "That has increased and has a great effect on adults as well as children."
Taking control
To minimize holiday stress, people need to remember why it's often associated with words such as "happy" and "merry" in the first place. Remembering is especially important for parents trying to impart the meaning of the holidays and the memories that come with it to the next generation.
"I try to encourage parents to think what else about the holidays is really meaningful," Drucker said. "Think back to all the Christmases you've had and see how many you remember for the gifts and not the time you spent with your family."
You won't be able to control all disruptions to your schedule during the holidays. But the key is taking charge of the things you can control, Drucker said. You can control how much you spend, and you can give yourself a much-need break when you feel holiday stress creeping in. You might also want to get some exercise to re-energize yourself.
"It's about people giving themselves permission not to 'enjoy' the holiday and not wanting to engage in all the festivities," Drucker said. "If those are things that aren't pleasurable to you, then stay home and take care of yourself. It's OK to do that."
