By Michael Tsai
Advertiser Staff Writer

Don't get your backs up, guys. The women in your life aren't laughing at you, they laughing wi ...

No, you're right, they're laughing at you.

But it's not just you, it's all of us. And it's all because we've been set up for ridicule by a recent spate of studies suggesting a link between testosterone and memory. A positive link — as in more testosterone, better memory.

I know, I know. Tell Mom, Sis and your snookie-wookie to put a sock it in and keep reading.

The latest study, published in the journal Neurology, reportedly suggests that men with higher levels of free-circulating testosterone are at lower risk for Alzheimer's. Other studies have indicated that testosterone can improve performance on memory tests.

Yeah, right. If that were true, Tai Domi would be reciting the names of audience members on the "Tonight Show" and I wouldn't have had to take Math 100 three times in college.

In the interest of full disclosure, I have to admit that I didn't actually read any of these studies. I would have, but I got distracted by some shiny lights and I forgot to go to the library. Which is all right, since I forgot to write down the name and date of the, um, you know, um ... journal! Journal!

What was my point again?

When I mentioned the study to my wife and a few women friends, the response was a deafening ba-ha-ha-ha! Sure, science might argue a case for a relationship

between more testosterone and better memory, but don't tell that to our estrogen-enhanced other halves who, with their far superior memories, can produce on demand a fully annotated account of everything we forgot and they remembered:

locations of keys, wallets and favorite shirts; dates of birthdays, anniversaries and safety-check expirations; names of old co-workers, distant relatives and dead pets.

I, for one, will readily admit that guy-memory is far more selective and far less reliable that fem-mory.

What was Lou Holtz's record when he coached the New York Jets in 1976? Three wins, 10 losses. And then he quit.

Who were the five players drafted ahead of Larry Bird in 1978? Mychal Thompson, Phil Ford, Rick Robey, Michael Ray Richardson and Purvis Short.

My best friend's birthday? Um, October-something?

My wife's shoe size? Er, small?

I don't know what it is. Maybe we men are just genetically inferior when it comes to memory. Or maybe it's just that we don't pay attention to things enough to have them committed to memory.

But, hey, have you heard what they're saying about testosterone and memory?

Reach Michael Tsai at mtsai@honoluluadvertiser.com or 535-2461.