KISSES AND MISSES
Joe's a schmo if he thinks fling with far-younger hottie will last

By Tanya Bricking Leach
Advertiser Staff Writer

Should you date like a movie star?

Not much, I say. But let's hear out Joe.

Dear Tanya: First off, I am a med student with six months of school left. Like all students, I am broke. I live with my brother until I graduate. I met this girl who is a nursing student. She just started, so she has a while to go. She lives with her parents. The big factor here is she is 19 and I am 42. She approached me first. I thought she was playing me at first but found out she was very serious. Our relationship is taking a turn down the serious street. We see only each other. I realize she has been in only a couple of relationships, while I was married for years. I'm divorced and have two boys older than she is and one the same age. My ex was 11 years younger than I, but this is a much bigger age gap. I know all the movie stars do this age thing all the time, but my lifestyle is not even close to that. Do you think this could work out, or am I just trying to avoid getting old by dating someone much younger?

Joe, I know you probably want to hear that age is only a number, and who cares what others think, and yes, you can date like a movie star and party like a rock star.

I'm here to tell you that you should get the stars out of your eyes. The reality is that things might be different even if she were 29 and you were 52. But she's much younger than that. You want me to tell you that a relationship is going to last with a 19-year-old when you're more than twice her age? Sorry, pal. Can't do it.

Where shall I begin? For starters, she still lives at home, and you have kids older than she is. You are at different stages in life. If you never had to deal with her friends and family and she never had to deal with yours, you might have a shot. But in real life, complications (like what your kids or her friends think) tend to get in the way.

If you're bothered now explaining the age gap, consider how you'll feel at her nursing-school graduation when people ask if you're her father.

The most optimistic thing I can say is, have fun while it lasts.

But don't plan on it lasting.

I don't know who came up with the rule that says prospective date mates shouldn't be any younger than half your age plus seven, but on that theory, you're not even close. Anything beyond that tends to suggest a Peter Pan syndrome, and you are exhibiting signs of the sickness.

It's not going to kill you; it will just keep you living in a state of denial. If you're happy there, you and Tinkerbell should do just fine.

Need advice on a topic close to the heart? Send your relationship tales, worries and woes to relationships writer Tanya Bricking Leach at Kisses and Misses, The Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802, kissesandmisses@honoluluadvertiser.com or fax 525-8055. Your letters may be used in upcoming columns. Please include a daytime phone number.