FAMILY MATTERS
Sanity resumes while footballitis is in remission
By Ka'ohua Lucas
Ah, yes. Football season is FINALLY over!
You heard me right.
No longer will my boys steal into the living room at 6 a.m. to flip on the television for a football game. No longer will I have to listen to Jake Delhomme's amazing stats. No longer will I have to hear the banter of sportscasters as they recap "that last play."
Is there life after football season?
For the guys in my 'ohana, the answer is no.
"Now what are we to do on weekends?" my husband whines.
"Howzabout cleaning out the garage that hasn't been touched in the last six months?" I'll say. "That's a start!"
Football is like a powerful drug. It affects the mind, the body and the spirit. Its addiction is not always obvious to the untrained eye.
If you suspect a member of your family with this obsession, look out for these symptoms:
- Unusual flare-ups or outbreaks of temper often directed to the female member of the family when she attempts to reduce the volume of the TV set.
- Deterioration of physical appearance and grooming, often associated with a two-day growth of facial hair and halitosis.
- Secretive behavior regarding their actions. For example, offering to straighten up the living room area but instead watching football on TV with the mute button on.
- Withdrawal of responsibility. Ignoring your wife.
- Association with other known abusers. Planning football junkets during the holiday season.
So consumed are my husband and two sons with football that nothing else exists in their world. Dinner table, car ride and shopping excursion conversations are centered around football.
In fact, a friend of mine invited us to her house the day after Pro Bowl. Her father had requested she host a handful of his friends who are coaches and players of the St. Louis Rams.
My friend has invited us to her home to meet these football icons. My sons are beside themselves.
"Do you think Kurt Warner and Marshall Faulk will be there?" my 9-year-old bubbled with excitement. I called my husband at work to see if he would be remotely interested in attending the party.
Remember now this is the guy who obsesses over football 24/7.
There was silence on the phone.
"You know I'm a 49ers fan," he said very coolly.
"Okay, I'll let her know that you are uninterested," I teased.
"Please tell your friend that these folks have reached god-like status in my mind," he said philosophically. "It would truly disappoint me to learn that they are only people with faults just like mine."
Reach Ka'ohua Lucas at Family Matters, 'Ohana section, The Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; or fax 525-8055.
